Tuesday, August 14, 2012

The Dark Cream Cheese Rises

Batman: Universal Orientalism

"Christopher Nolan proved accents don't matter." - Dick Cheney

Batman: This Time Closed Captioning Won't Save You

"You wanna get nuts? Let's get nuts!" - Joseph Gordon-Levitt putting on the US Women's Gymnastics Uniform

"Fuck. Me." - Tom Hardy, shitting uncontrollably and inaudibly from muscle supplements

Batman: Cops vs. Bolsheviks in the Battle for the Google Orb

"I love this whole Spider-Iron Man thing." - Marion Cotillard

Batman: Escape from Raceistan

"I wish someone would extraordinarily render my ass out of this theater." - Roger Ebert

Batman: Escape from AZ State Prison

"You'll believe an SUV can fly!" - Gene Shalit

Wen Jiabao Calls Lack of Chinese Villains in New Batman Film 'Unacceptable'

"Even I'm embarrassed." - Ray Kelly

"Rafalca and I loved it!" - Willard Romney

"I don't sound like that at all." - Vladimir Putin

Christopher Nolan Testifies Against Pussy Riot

"Italian birds and doshy wines! Gits gits gits!" - Michael Caine, on location

"My ass wants at least five points for the sequel." - Anne Hathaway

"Mate, I'm the Olivier of indigestion." - Christian Bale

"Fascism begins with compulsory enjoyment. Tell some one under the age of 40 that you don't like Christopher Nolan's Batman movies, and see how angry they get. The Dark Knight Rises isn't about what's happening on the screen, it's about what's not happening on the screen. The same police force depicted in the film as the victims of a communistic occupation, forced to fight barefisted against an armed and numerically superior paramilitary force (and how they do! charging into the fray like Mau Mau's, impervious to the very weapons we are supposed to pity them for not having!)--this same police force is working the security detail for the film shoot and cracking the heads in Zuccotti Park, grinding History to a halt. Instead of facing reality, we chose to stage for ourselves a fantasy of its opposite. I don't see anything to like in that. To me, it's just ugly." - George W. Bush, black, moonlit waves lapping at his feet, Kennebunkport

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