The Blog Sells Out

"I choose alienation." - the American people

"Consistency is dishonest." - Nietzsche, corporate seminar

"What's the only thing worse than a family? A commune."
- August Strindberg rudely telling jokes no one wants to hear at the party

"Unless you hear from me, assume I'm working. And understand that by 'working,' I mean engaging in the literary dilettantism and the most basic self-maintenance activities expected of an adult person, which are for me a struggle." -  the Editors synergizing via text message

"A Marxist who doesn't understand finance is like a jihadi who doesn't know how to operate explosives." - Lloyd Blankfein

"Twittering this blog would be like bowling as hard as you can, blindfolded." - Sean Parker 

"Your fans in Asia only read the sex and death posts." - our McKinsey & Company consultant

"It's a fucking joke?!" - Stoyan, a disillusioned 14 year-old Belarussian

"I don't get the joke."
"It isn't finished yet."
- the Editors standing over the rubble of New York

"If your enemy is cynical, then you have to overidentify with their official line so hard that you leave them no choice but to be sincere, to deal with you in a manner that shows them for what they really are." - the Editors conducting leadership training, Moscow

"Everyone thinks I'm so smart, but I'm telling you, I'm not smart, I'm just a hater, and because I hate everything that people like, they think I see things that they don't, but I don't, I don't see things that they don't, I only see one thing that they don't: I see that life is bad." - an Editor to Mr. Pringle

"Put Zack's share of the blog in a special account. Name me as the trustee, and tell the rest of the Editors to meet at Blanca's for a 12:30 lunch, Tuesday." - Eduardo Saverin after the hostile takeover

"Where are those goddam quotes?!"
"I'm thinking."
"Thinking will get you nowhere! Quotes don't come from thinking, they come from the effervescent bubbling up of brain fever, the lightning strike of divine revelation, the flickering red lightbulb in the head! They strike a man down mid-stride like a deer on I-95! They are what happens when Proust dips his madeleine into a vat of Hate!"
- the Editors berating a summer intern

"People say we laugh after something dangerous or traumatic has happened in order to relieve tension. They say this as though laughter is first and foremost a response to things that are 'funny,' and is only secondarily, as though by some physiological glitch, a coping mechanism for dealing with things that are not 'funny.' This isn't true. Stress, trauma, death, and the delight we take in avoiding them, enduring them, or inflicting them on others: these things are the very essence of comedy. In every laugh there is a brush with death." - the Editors, TED Talk/public caning, Lee Kuan Yew Stadium, Singapore