"I Defunded My Old Job Today (The Ballad of Wisconsin)" as sung by Sen. Orrin Hatch, R-UT

"Yeah, teachers and clerks and shit don't work, fuck 'em. More for me! Pass the butter gravy!" - Baby Boomers before the Volcano

"I don't have shit at my horrible chain job, but these state workers do, Fuck them so we can all be hicks forever, together!" - the Vanishing Whites

"The blacks! Booo!" - the GOP, 1964-2???

"Peeing sitting down is so much better. Standing in line in some publicly owned place, it just runs down your leg." - David Koch to Grover Norquist, hands clasped in the Confederate Toilet

"We have to stop electing these monsters!"
"We have to stop electing."
-Youth Debate on How to Fail Going Forward, Madison, WI

"I swear to God, if you cry..." - Barack Obama to Jay Carney

"If Obama loses in 2012 and the GOP takes total control again, I don't know how much more of this shit I'll be able to take. Romney will probably get to appoint four Justices randomly, soon we'll be pissing in cups just to get on airplanes to Utah."
"The world is not worth saving. That's my new dick off motto."
"Oh yeah, 'the world is not worth saving,' says you with your Ivy League education, public job, and French-envied residence. You've been handed everything to slurp on your custard pie! No wonder you don't give a shit: free refills! But I don't give a shit either. Maybe it's just what I've been waiting for. A climate of license. Learn a few tricks, get my teeth whitened, get a CCW permit, just lean back and enjoy the Last Harvest. 'I say, Pat, what do you listen to when you're shooting?' 'Oh the same old thing, Roger, Radiohead's "Lucky."'"
- the Editors hard at work

"I don't know, what's the revolution all about..."
The Commandante shot him dead.
"Victory!"
- from Orrin Hatch's nightly recurring dream

"Weren't you married to Elizabeth Taylor?"
"No! I don't!"
- Orrin Hatch abandoning an interview on Italian television

"Tell them I'll sign, but I want my own recording studio." - Hatch to his agent on negotiations for a limited issue CD with a small Christian label

"This changes everything." - John Boehner, listening to CAN for the first time

"I love Call of Duty." - Eric Cantor

"The weird, Japanese stuff, kind of obscure." - Rand Paul

"Everything is a competition." - Scott Walker, winking at you after you find him with your Mother