Saturday, June 30, 2012

America the Terrible

"Death by a thousand cuts! I'll save the sweet B+ Health Care Reform but I won't save affirmative action, voting rights, or your ass in prison!" - C. J. Roberts

"...and I felt... a sort of infinite sexual bliss..." - John Boehner remembering the strong, hairy arms of John Roberts

"It takes all kinds. Well, not all kinds." - Gov. Dr. Robert J. Bentley consigning the poor to death

"Though Robert's reasons for upholding the law are unclear, papal legal scholars were disturbed by mysterious references in the decision to 'the red sands of Barsoom.'" - Wolf Blitzer

"In the land of the sucker, the tongue is the king." - Justice Ginsburg

"If you won't sign our opinion, at least sign my goddamn hall pass!"
"Jesus, you smell like limoncello."
- Justice Scalia and CJ Roberts

"I've instructed my clerks that all my future dissenting opinions will be in the form of a libretto." - Justice Nino 'Pagliacci' Scalia

"Does that fucking goomba even know that 'wop' stands for 'without papers'?" - Solicitor General Don Verilli leaving oral argument

"My opinions? I've always wanted to have a late night AM radio show, you know for truckers and insomniacs and the like." - Justice Kennedy in his closet, talking into a comb

"I'm higher than Lance Armstrong." - Justice Thomas

"Don't think of it as trying juveniles as adults. Think of it as trying niggers as niggers." - Justice Alito, dissent in Miller v. Alabama

"You think the Law is going to help?"
"The Law is a weapon!"
"Weapons are weapons!"
- Monique Wittig and a young Elena Kagan

"This isn't anything. Wait until they've wound it all tight as a mousetrap. Then the only way out will be something entirely different." - Justice Sotomayor knocking back tequila with bandito Paul Krugman

"What about Breyer?"
"Who are we kidding?"
- the Editors

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