What Is an Artist?

Classical musicians: Up-tight, ambitious squares. Doctors.

New Music musicians: Having implicitly resigned from the institutional rat race, they are the cool, if slightly embarrassing, high school teachers of the art world.

Rock musicians: Losers. Of all artists, they are the most likely to squander their entire life's potential in pursuit of their art, insensible to more socially meritorious endeavors (Actors take second prize).

Hip-hop musicians: The true Princes and soldiers of Pop.

Jazz musicians: Museum guards.

Composers: Academics.

Theater artists: Prissy, tasteless faggots (America). Rapists (Europe).

Novelists: Arrogant nebbishes who, regarding themselves more as public intellectuals than artists, are consequently inconsequential as either.

Short story writers: Civil servants, clerks, petty bureaucrats. Superfluous men.

Poets: Women.

Architects: Bootlickers, bishops, and Bolivarists.

Dancers: Inscrutable and insignificant, no one curious to know one who doesn't, they are the Mormons of the arts.

Filmmakers: Jocks, ringmasters, Romantic composers. The only truly popular artists, working in the only truly relevant artform.

Conceptual/media artists: Illiterate novelists, better dressed and funded.

Photographers: Journalists.

Designers: Not, to their credit, artists.

Painters/sculptors: Libidinal formalists carrying the torch of fucking and fighting for the entirety of the dead arts.