40 Oscars and a Mule

"Much has been said of the valor of the Southern gentleman, general. But men of flesh are nothing next to an Iron Lady." - Admiral Farragut

"I'm a fucking artist!" - John Wilkes Booth

"Erm... Tit... Big ones..." - Gen. Grant, high on whiskey, explaining the battle plan for Vicksburg

"That glow on the horizon... What the hell is that? Is dawn breaking to the west?! Is this the End Times?!"
"It's the end times, all right. But it's no dawn. It's Sherman."
-  Paula Deen and Rand Paul abandoning the Biscuit Factory

"One night with that crazy bitch is enough to make any man pine for dick." - Lincoln, Scores, Antietam

"People were just uglier then." - Jackie Earle Haley

"There will be wood!" - Daniel Day-Lewis as Lincoln as John Kerry

"This will do for Marfan syndrome what War Horse did for war!" - George Lucas

"Lucifer's beard!" - historian Sean Wilentz having a stroke at the premier

"This picture is a product of painstaking historical research. We're going to show you the real Lincoln--his early days as a lawyer, the Douglas debates, the Gettysburg address, the suspension of habeas corpus, Mary Todd's illness, his romantic friendship with Joshua Speed, his bout of small pox, the coke, the duel with Marx, the blood rites, cannibalism--all of it!" - Steven Speilberg

Lincoln
Directed by Luc Besson

Starring:

Liam Neeson ................................. Abraham Lincoln
Alan Rickman ................................ Andrew Johnson
Bruce Willis ................................. William H. Seward
Sam Rockwell .................................. Jefferson Davis
Kevin Kostner ..................................... Walt Whitman
Laurence Fishburne ........ Frederick Douglass Kenobi
Julia Roberts ............................. the Statue of Liberty
Paul Giamatti ............................................ Karl Marx
Marion Cotillard ....... the ghost of Stonewall Jackson
John Cusack .......................... Harriet Beecher Stowe
Jean Reno ............................................. Maximilian I
Hugh Grant ...................................... Lord Palmerston
Paul Krugman ................................. Ulysses S. Grant
Matthew McConaughey ...................... Robert E. Lee
Bryan Cranston ............. William Tecumseh Sherman
Nicolas Cage ............................... John Wilkes Booth
Meryl Streep ....................................... the Merrimack