Monday, May 7, 2012

More Praise for the New Inquiry!

Desperate to be loved, we've prostituted ourselves to The New Inquiry again. But they couldn't accept us for who we really are, so we have to dump all our problems on you.

Enjoy the B-sides!


“I'm finally an adult! Condemned to die!” – Christina Aguilera

"Ah, but what is the beauty of Man next to that of a fine thoroughbred?" - Teddy Roosevelt

“Truth? Beauty? I’m not really concerned, my wife, Ann, reports to me on that.” – Willard “Mitts off” Romney

“I was terrified of nuns before before I read this, and now I understand they’re naked under those things!” – Cardinal Timothy Dolan

“It’s true, these days the best way to scope out a date is via satellite.” – Leon Pannetta

“Why be with a man or a woman when you could be with a Post-It?” – OK Cupid

“I can change my style, my boots, or my guitar, but I’ll never be nappy!” – David Bowie

"Nature is so generous. No matter how ugly you are, if you are young, there is something beautiful about you. But the hand that gives also takes." - Ashley Judd

“I’m handsome as the devil!” – Nicholas Sarkozy

“Am I not the New Diana, the New Helen of Troy?!” – Duchess Kate Middleton to a cowering Tina Brown

“I too was a role model.” – Katherine Heigel to Charles Barkley

“Well, my friend Catherine Breillat says that the fragility of female flesh inspires either disgust or brutality, but for me, hell, it just makes me wanna have a good time!” - Rick Perry

“Girls can’t write.” – Larry Summers

“I never met a woman I couldn’t buy.” – Sky Briggs

“Yes, Ms. Rosenfelt is very attractive.” - Jonathan Franzen on whether he has read The New Inquiry

“I am the face of the 21st Century.” – Wendi Deng Murdoch

“I am exiled from the Kingdom of Bodies.” - Stephen Hawking

“Women are there to be enjoyed.” - Laura Bush, Game of Thrones

“I dreamt of a giant woman whose thighs held up the sky.” - Stephen Chu dropping acid in a sensory deprivation tank

“For fuck’s sake, what’s funny about beauty? Beauty is terrible and subjective like mental disease or a fever of the brain.” - Surgeon General Regina M. Benjamin

“There's nothing worse than the young enjoying themselves near bodies of water.” - Her Majesty

"You've heard the expression 'God's gift to women?' Well, this is the pint of ice cream God buys Himself because He's sad." - The Last Blogger on Earth

“In recognition of the essential ugliness of life, and of American literature in particular, this year’s Pulitzer Prize goes to no one.” - Sig Gissler

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