You wanna fuck?! Let's fuck!!!

Next Week on Bill Clinton NYC: Park Supervisor for Life

"Harlem's just, you know, 'beige' now, baby." - Bill Clinton

"Strip down to your armor and call me the Great Cyrus!" - Jimmy Carter, the wedding episode

"I can stand here proudly and say that I have personally bought every cab driver in the city a piece of cheesecake." - Bill Clinton

"Sometimes when I'm at Film Forum watching a rep film and there's a close-up of an old movie star on the screen, I feel myself to be in the presence of gods, super-normal beings brought back to life by a magic lantern, and I feel all the love I've never felt, and I'm certain that moment can last for ever." - Andrew Cuomo

"Yeah, Hillary and I can never quite make it except when we're at the Taj." - Bill Clinton at the Four Seasons

"Cold Spring's just a Rock Show these days, daddio." - Roger Ailes to a male stripper

"Every street is just a bowl of chili with my name on it!" - Bill Clinton

Sex Nationalism

"Fuck who you will, but keep your hair out!" - Sarkozy

"Marriage is a defense against suicide but not its opposite."
- Carla Bruni

"I am a little tin soldier who wants to jump into your fire." - Tony Mod Blair

"Hide your daughters in vain, pharaohs of Napa!"
- Sean Penn in a Jeep

"I frequently can't fall asleep because my clitoris is so engorged by the thought of being raped." - Paz de la Huerta

"Yeah, doll, I like books too. Hey, are we making it?" - Jonathan Franzen at book group

"They're all pink on the inside." - Sidney Lumet, Queens NY, 1976

"Women are sub-intellects." - Roger Ebert

Bye Bye Braverman

"A post! A post, I say! A post in my honor!"
- Sidney Lumet, feasting in Hell

"Sidney Lumet's ghost! Have you come to give me guidance on how to be a great filmmaker?"
"No, boy, I've come to reap your soul!"
- Tisch Film School, 2012

"I knew this day would come! Battle me in the Lake of Fire and one of us shall die the True Death!" - the ghost of Stanely Kubrick

"But colonel what shot shall we use for this gun."
"Crawl inside, boy, and I shall show you!"
- Sidney Lumet, Col. Teddy Roosevelt, 1898

"The Times characterizes Sidney Lumet as a director of 'conscience' but that's malarkey. What he's about is the existential pleasure of projecting 'I'm fucking hard' out into the megasphere." - Roger Ebert

"I have never met such a cruel man in my entire life." - Werner Herzog

Hate Omnibus

"Fight me on the river of glass!" - Angela Merkel

"Is this the fleeting relief they call happiness? It's as though my coal blood has moistened to diamond wine!" - Justice Alito, concurring opinion

"Ain't gonna be no Cherry Blossom Festival, ain't gonna be no weddin, ain't gonna be no Jesus Fighting Oil mural in Polunka, ID!!!" - Congressional Budget Office Director Douglas W. Elmendorf on a Gin Run, Z Street

"Why am I so fucking ill?!" - Rep. John Boehner, shitting uncontrollably

"Spit on my tits!" - Cathie Black

I Fuck Sea Monsters And Death Hags For Breakfast

"My dick is beet red!" - Saif al-Islam Gaddafi

"Am I not a sultan? Shall I not have all—all—that I desire?" - Mike Huckabee

"Suck on yer sister's tits! Take a roll in the hay with your cousin!" - Newt Gin-Ginch

"I want to be a female sports reporter!" - Mike Bloomberg

"My body is a cage." - Bob Costas

World's Greatest Mom

"I think I can suck my own cock on airplanes!" - James Cameron, Development Meeting 2015

"Together we can surf a river of blood." - Wen Jiabao

"For the first time in my life, I had a problem that money could not solve." - Donald Trump on his inability to persuade Ivana to have an abortion

"Stay the fuck out of Spain." - Gen. Francisco Franco to Dudley Moore

"I am a black horse, a white bird, and a yellow salamander." - Nancy Reagan to the stars