Thursday, January 31, 2013

History Condemns Us

"And it is said that dragons nest in the Executive Branch who obey only the Barack's command and will hunt to the ends of the earth any man that is hateful to Him." - Herodotus

"There is a city of gold!" - Glenn Beck to police negotiators, Midland City, AL

"Madame Secretary, if I were in your position, I would already have martyred myself for Liberty." - Rand 'Cincinnatus' Paul

"Do you ever get excited when, turning to the homepage of the NYTimes, you read the word 'Hagel,' only to realize, moments later, to your extreme disappointment, you've misread?" - Frederick Engels

"Anti-war films are for pussies." - historical filmmaker Kathryn Bigelow

"My strategy on crime is to take all the credit." - Rudy Giuliani, NYC Counter-Terrorism Headquarters, World Trade Center, 2000

"I like it because if you pay the larger price, you can ride the water slide as much as you like." - Francis Fukuyama to no one in particular, Panel on Eternal Night

"Gentleman, I think we can say without doubt that history is a treadmill upon which we all run."
"Sir, I completely disagree. History is a police report after a particularly brutal murder."
"I tell you, you are both wrong! History is a woman."
- Senators Joseph Lieberman, John C. Calhoun, and Ted Kennedy debate Senate Bill 2342, the Ban All Historicity Act, in Hell

"Kill them all." - George Washington on being told poor hicks were revolting over whiskey taxes

"I'm only in it for the ass." - Samuel Adams

"Ethnics! Give me your various moustaches!" - Fiorello LaGuardia

"We can't put the whole police force on horses, that's insane."
"Ah, but what is the beauty of a Man next to that of a fine thoroughbred?"
- Theodore Roosevelt and William L. Strong before making love to a horse together

"Hell yes, I love a man who kills fascists. That's why I like Joe." - FDR

"Hey, oldboy, how about I fuck your sister, that sweet piece of Radcliffe ass. You can take one for the team, can't you?"
"What do you mean, Jack?"
"Shut up, Teddy, just keep rowing. Like I was saying: You can be an ambassador or you can have Mitzi over there suck your cock, either way I'm getting your vote."
- Jack Kennedy secures secret funding for Vietnam

"The absent minded person, by definition, is unaware of his error at the time of its commission. He does not experience it as his own, but instead encounters it, or rather its consequences, later on, as a hostile externality, something out there in the world that happens to befall him. Imagine his horror at discovering that he is the prime mover of his own misfortune!" - Mao on the Great Famine

"The future will be cannibalistic or it will be nothing." - Barbara Bush

"I fear for my country when I remember that God has taste." - Stephen Harper

"Every year that passes adds another tread to the tanks that will soon roll over our cities. And so we wait." - Bibi Netanyahu

"If a man truly hates, he can overcome anything." - Ariel Sharon

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