Thursday, July 12, 2012

The Year of the Diamond Dogs

"I have seen the Insect Queen, and I know that no man can resist her honey. Hail, Beatrix Atossa!" - John Boehner, upon his inauguration as president through line-of-succession

"I'm not going to cast aspersions on a man's motives, but I suspect the Speaker may be infected by the Parasite." - Sen. McCaskill D-MO, debating the Insect Purchase

"All the money is turning to stinging insects, ahhhh!!!" - Bruce Ratner, Barclays Center opening night

"Revolutionary violence forgives itself, but state violence is always already forgiven." -Asma al-Assad shopping for baubles at Harrod's

"Obama is a Zeta!" - Bernie Sanders being dragged beneath the Vice Presidential Residence

"Mr. President just what just fuck is going on out there?"
"I'll tell you this, Steve, nothing good ever comes out from under your basement stairs."
- Barack Obama, Diane Sawyer Locusta

"Hee hee hee!" - Rick Parry videotaping uninsured Texans fighting in the Pit

"Hick now, hick forever!" - RoboPaul, upon being appointed to Congress by the Algorithm

"Libor!" - Paul Krugman emerging form the Columnist Break Room covered in blood

"Harry Dean Stanton is the Higgs field of cinema." - Peter Bogdonavich dropping some really heady shit on Dennis Hopper

"Maybe I've had a mood disorder." - Sen. Mitch McConnell, fingering his pistol, Ruby

"Never forget what's most important. Not money. Power." - Robert Caro, Harvard Business School Pupation Ceremony

"At this point the Earth will basically be the first sperm to die in an act of cosmic incest." - Energy Secretary Stephen Chu explaining the Future to his children

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