Sunday, July 22, 2012

Hounds of Love

"The important thing is, is this the road to Fuck City?" - Gov. Nikki Haley

"Go back to your Lizard Pope, Creek bitch!" - Tom Cruise, breaking it off

"If your true love is money, you will never be unfaithful." - Michael Bloomberg on Anthony Weiner

"Zionist infiltrator Anthony Weiner and Muslim Brotherhood infiltrator Huma Abedin named their child 'Jordan'? Well, this joke makes itself." - Michelle Bachmann

"Just because Rep. Bachmann's attacks on Ms. Abedin have no basis in fact should not stop us from disliking Ms. Abedin as an emblem of purposeless ambition." - John McCain

"If I had a dime for every time I declined to sleep with a woman, I'd have a useless surplus of dimes." - Rob Lowe

"You can fuck a gun."- David Keene, President of the National Rifle Association

"I truly hate my body, and I cannot wait to be rid of it." - Larry Summers, poolside

"Now, I'm not saying they're at all comparable, but telling a fat person that they aren't unattractive just because they're fat is like telling a black person that racism doesn't exist." - Chris Christie

"Why write an essay about capitalism when you could make a film about male strippers?" - Steven Soderbergh

"Are you sure you wanna do this, lady? I mean, I'm a monster." - Rep. G. K. Butterfield, Nags Head Oyster Bar

"I'm sick of it! Your skin is just too damn dry!" - Justice Alito to his wife on their anniversary

"It's never too late to fuck."
"What are you talking about?!"
- Dr. John Boehner and the upper half of Eric Cantor

"I feel bad for unfaithful politicians, I really do. We clamor to be ruled, and then those whom we burden with the responsibility of enslaving us, we in turn enslave to our hypocritical fantasies of domestic normalcy. Everyone knows that family is hell, and yet these guys are forced it like studs, forced to surrender not just their own freedom, but also that of their wives and children, forced to (let's be honest) dominate them, to lie to them, humiliate them, make them bear the yolk of their own unfreedom, all to please the howling, diabetic crowds. Let them be rich. Let them grow fat off our work. Let them cheat and lie and steal, as long as it's only money that's at stake. But God forbid they go looking for fresh poon, as they inevitably will, trapped as they are in their hyperscrutinized hell and denied even the relief of professional services (a prohibition that frankly boggles the mind given our unanimous cynicism about the transactional nature of everyday life and of politics especially). We set the trap and we squeal with masochistic delight every time they fall into it, outraged, not because they betrayed their families, but because they betrayed our fantasies, fantasies no one believed in begin with." - Nicholas Kristof to his Thai escort

"Damn you. Damn the way you make me love you." - Markus Dohle, CEO of Random House, to a copy of Fifty Shades of Grey

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