"This video, my god, it's amazing. Clinton is such a fucker. If only he really let loose. If only he were really black!" - Paul Begala, swamp lunch with James Carville
"You're not disappointed in me, you're disappointed in yourselves."
- Barack Obama
"God brought this polar cold on us for abandoning stop-and-frisk."
- Michael Bloomberg
"You know what it is? Football has no female supplement, whereas hockey, every hockey game everywhere is haunted by the specter of the figure-skating little girls the hockey boys pushed off the ice."
- Tonya Harding, 2013 NHL Winter Classic
"I did this for all of you, I died for your sins." - Alex Rodriguez, unannounced appearance on Olbermann
"Revenge upon oneself is the purest revenge." - Dick Morris eating a heavy meal then immediately jumping into the family pool
"The will to live is a finite resource." - the Commodity Trader's Code
"Yes means no." - Pope Francis' Message to the Female Sex
"Each day is uglier than the last." - Chris Christie's toilet
"God I love it, let the lava hit me!" - Shinzo Abe dies in exploratory Mecha Test Flight
"Stick to hunting Chinese." - Caroline Kennedy addresses Japanese dolphin trappers
"My only fault is that I love the troops too much." - from Robert Gates' memoir, Passion of a Five-Sided Building
"I wanted to change the world but I failed, so now I've decided to change the world by bringing a child into it. Is that narcissism?"
- Georgina Bloomberg
"I only breed with the Elect." - Heiress presumptive Elizabeth turns down cadet Richard Burton's advances in an RAF garage
"Yeah I get around and I make it, fuck you, you are nothing." - Francois Hollande, before taking off on a scooter
"Love is only real to the extent that it is a manifestation of Power." - Anatoly Pakhomov
"Feminism is not okay when it interferes with commerce." - Lena Dunham
"Even men can lean in!" - Sheryl Sandberg
"You don't need civil liberties to fuck." - Generation Y
"Don't be a stranger, make love to me in the washing machine." - Carlos Danger
"Make it for History." - Battleship Clintonkin
"This year there was an unexpected rise in the number of Asians taking selfies. We feel this unforeseen contingency bends the curve towards the total desolation of the National Pool." - Secretary of Education Arne Duncan
"We're losing our edge, we're losing THE TRAITS!" - Michelle Rhee upon reading Amy Chua's Triple Package
"If you can't figure out how to make money off the New Yellow Peril, you don't deserve to go to Stuyvesant!" - Amy Chua
"Good things come to those who take." - Wendi Deng Murdoch
"Really? Haha. Those scared little boys have no fucking idea what's coming." - Tim Cook after a screening of Her
"You should think of Google as your bro." - Sergey Brin
"I want a moral dictatorship." - David Brooks
"The Duck Dynasty thing is like the soda ban: politics as consumer preference. It's not about what anyone is allowed to do on TV, it's about what people are allowed to consume on TV. People are upset that this particular racial spectacle--and the bigotry which is its secret heart--is no longer for sale. They think they're entitled to buy it. Whether you agree with the Duck Patriarch or not doesn't matter. What matters is, he speaks for your whiteness, or for the whiteness you aspire to. Money is white." - Bobby Jindall
"Everything is permissible!" - Tom Hanks shifts from Disney back to Capt. Phillips, live Oscar broadcastLovin' in the parkSkeezin' on the beachLeerin' at the playgroundHead full of steam
- Ronald Reagan and the Mamas and the Papas
"We're all gonna die some day so might as well chase something!" - Warren Buffett laser hunting on Space Isle of Lesbos, the Outer Rim
"Anti-Cristo..." - Anthony Hopkins awakening on the desert earth
"Disraeli!!!" - Prince Harry destroying tapestries with a rake
"Why that's a weird dance you kids are doing, what's it called?"
"Are you some kind of square? It's the Slow Motion Collapse!"
- Clinton doing an educational rap song with children on Earth Day
"You can't dodge the Bottom." - Philip Seymour Hoffman
"Never worry whether violence undermines your cause, only whether your cause undermines your violence." - Vladimir Putin, Pitchfork review of Pussy Riot's set at the Amnesty International's Bring Human Rights Home Concert