Goddamn a Man Can't Even Eat a French Dip without Spilling Au Jus onto His iPhone Killing It Goddamn

((this conversation took place shortly thereafter))

Patrick: I'll kill all of you...

til the break of dawn!!!!

Sent at 10:34 PM on Monday

me: haha

goddammit my phone is fucked

Patrick: nandaio!

me: spilled a little bit of water [sic*actually it really was au jus. I can admit that now*] and it showed some bad signs

fuck

Patrick: yeesh yeah these things are disappointingly fragile

me: i ripped it apart to dry it off

Patrick: hmm opening it up might not be good mojo

it may void your warranty

me: nah it's fine

they can't tell

Patrick: there are places in NYC which can fix these evil phones though besides mac

me: plus there is no goddamn warranty

yeah good call i shouldnt go to apple

that'd be like telling your teacher you ran over your neighbor's kid

Patrick: there was some place in midtown i heard was good

haha

me: what place?

Patrick: hahaha

put that on the blog oy

me: ha there's no goddamn context!

the blog needs fucking context!!

Patrick: hahah

what context should we provide?

me: i dunno man i'm all shook up

i just lost some money and they tell me that's a bad thing in this world

Patrick: hahahaha

Sent at 10:41 PM on Monday

me: well i'll blog the conversation then

Patrick: haha very good

feel free to edit it at will

me: doing it

Sent at 11:13 PM on Monday

me: ha i just made one correction to it

Sent at 11:20 PM on Monday

Patrick: haha

me: pretty dumb but

i mean, it's an audience of pat, right?

Patrick: nah nah both of my roommates, my friend ryan, and my friend billy are regular readers

me: oh cool

Patrick: my friends like our stuff, your minaret articles were a big hit

me: ha

Patrick: i've also gotten some good feedback about how the blog is a weird mixture of 'serious' longer pieces and short haiku's of hate

though some context might indeed be good

man you should add all this to the entry

only edit it to make me sound even more fatuous and awful

"i'm a really good writer"

me: hahah

Patrick: that's why i liked your minaret photo so much, no hate is complete without self-hate

Sent at 11:31 PM on Monday

me: what do you mean the photo?

the second post?

ohhhh

nvm

Patrick: no of you at the statue with that scowl on your face

me: haha yeah

Sent at 11:33 PM on Monday

me: ha maybe i should put all of this in

Sent at 11:34 PM on Monday

Patrick: i think that's probably a great idea

Sent at 11:50 PM on Monday

me: ok i'm doing it

Patrick: haha all right

me: any last thoughts you want to include?

Patrick: nah do your worst

Sent at 11:53 PM on Monday

Bourgeois Notes Towards Antitheater

An update! The ban is passed by 57%.

(Right: Walter Wobmann, president of the committee 'yes for a ban on minarets,' smiles at his crooked thumb jubilantly. A thumb he now realizes is more effectual than the entire puffy form of the feckless scarab Nick Griffin and his BNP. He then removes his headphones and adds, "you know, Coldplay's A Rush of Blood to the Head really is one of the decades most masterfully constructed albums.")

Find the love over Here.

It's All Turning Up Hate

A special squeal-out to our forthcoming sister blog Dolce & Gomorrah.

Good Morning Campers,

You may remember the Swiss: detainers of Polanski, nation of boring-as-death cities, and 92% Bank. Well, turns out they're some thinkers as well. Some Swiss Right thinkers propose a law that would ban minarets throughout the country, changing the already bland skylines into tessellated gray cubes.

Rational citizen, Madeleine Trincat, retiree from Geneva, explicated: "The problem is not so much the minarets, but rather what they represent. After the minarets, the muezzins will come, then they'll ask us to wear veils and so on."

Now looking at the situation with less seething fear, swiss hotel association spokesman Thomas Allemann tried to temper this tone with the perspective of reason: the Euro. "Switzerland's good reputation as an open, tolerant and secure country may be lost and this would bring a blow to tourism."


Get some Here


Mark Twain called this rock in Lucerne the 'the most mournful and moving piece of stone in the world.' It commemorates the Swiss Guard, massacred in 1792 defending Marie Antoinette during the French Revolution, although she had fled the premises some time before. Known for their political neutrality, popes and emperors could be assured of the Swiss Guard's purchased loyalty.

The Guard may again rise and lead us all into Hell.

Return to the Theatre of Blood and Horror!

"Bacon's theater of cruelty was an enormous popular success at all of its venues, but especially in New York, where he was hailed by fans as the greatest painter of the twentieth century." - NY Review of Books

Hater of The Century Candidates, Vol 1

Weep for those who weren't there on that day!

Hater of the Year Candidates, pt 1

Andre Agassi