If You Have Read These Entries, You're Lying

There Are No Legitimate Emotions
River of Shit
Millenarian Despair
Against Democracy
To My Dismay, I Woke Up
The Price of Heraldry
Christ is the Anti-Christ
Gentlemen of Harvard
Hate Ransom
Babylon
Apocalypse Deferred
Bottomless Pit
Necropolis
Despair
United Fucking States of Godamnerica

Sludge Dog, Gin Truth

"I just hope that I can learn to have sex with Jesus watching."
- Viktor Orbán

"Your heart has to burn with patriotism to make love to your enemy." - James Carville

"New York, that evil bitch goddess demon, on all fours with that fuck-me stare." - Mike Bloomberg

"I couldn't care less about jihad or the people who oppose it."
- Geert Wilders

"I am what Coolidge couldn't desire to be!" -Mitt Romney

"Stephen King is the novel's Steven Spielberg." - Steven Spielberg

"I'm tired of being Jewish." - Steven Speilberg, on Munich

"I would like people to think that I am as quick and clever and charming as the characters I write." - Aaron Sorkin

"I just shat myself!" - Jonathan Franzen

"I can't shit!" - Roger Ailes

"She brought all these friends of hers over. While she was out getting a baguette, I shat on them!" - Camus

Organizations with Known Links to Hamas

Cordoba Initiative
The International Red Crescent
Democratic Peoples Republic of Korea
Iranian Revolutionary Guard
Campbell's Soup
Technology Entertainment Design
The Economist
International Monetary Fund
The American Association of Ice Fisherman
The One Eyed Monks of Azaul
The Ford Foundation
National Board of Ophthalmology
Patrolmen's Benevolent Association of the City of New York
National Audobon Society
the Bilderberg Group
The Charlie Rose Show
Rotary International
Jews for Jesus
Nintendo

スーパーフリー

"Humanitarian aid fulfills every redblooded Frenchman's innate, racial desire to keep Africans as pets." - Bernard Kouchner

"Am I saying that this little girl should die? Yes, absolutely." - Bill Clinton, on his opposition to humanitarian aid

"I tell you this not to disillusion you, but to prepare you, to inform you of what you must become if you are to make of this weary life one as may rightly be called ‘worth living’. For every coward in this world, for every swine, there is another coward, another swine. For any person of any talent, any person of any potential worth whatsoever-—as I am to assume each of you are—-there is no one. You are utterly alone." - Margaret Thatcher, commencement speech at All Souls College, Oxford, 1985

"My body is a prison." - Margaret Thatcher, 2010

"Dad, stop!" - Mackenzie Philips

"Dad, stop!" - John Philips

"You know, if you really want to challenge yourself, you'll make a post that only says nice things." - The Editors

What walks like a man but dies like a pig?

An American.

Everything is Black

"It's very easy to play the bad guy: you just stop pretending."
- Bryan Cranston

"In the 90's I dated this British girl who called me 'the Sean Bean of the bedroom'. What the fuck was that supposed to mean?"
- Barack Obama to David Cameron, before declaring war on Iran, 2012

"I don't know what the hell happened we just all took the stage and sang." - Robert Mitchum reminiscing on September 11, 1973 in Santiago

"What about video games?" - Charlie Rose

"wilson pickett's hey jude > you can't always get what you want > memory of a free festival > anything by the faces > hey jude" - from the diary of Ringo Starr

"Sunday is more itself than any other day." - Jonathan Safran Foer

"Brown is the new White." - Thandie Newton

"It's weird though, I got this n + 1 tattoo near my anus and I've sort of been exercising lately and I think the tattoo has been sucked up into my sphincter. You know how that is, right?" - The Editors

Gag Order

"I had a filthy dream about you. You were trying to violently seduce me in a pig sty, knee deep in mud and excrement. I think we may also have been related." - Tzipi Livni in an undated letter to Benjamin Netanyahu

"You can't shoot me, it's almost time for ice-cream!" - Ronald Reagan

"Whoa, Pat take it easy!"
"But Jimminy the hate tastes like Kool-Aid and I never get the headaches!"
- Spiro Agnew and Patricia Nixon

"The more depressed I am, the more free I am, for the more I suffer, the less I have to lose." - Barack Obama

"Q: If you want to change everything where do you begin?
A: Everywhere."
- US Dept. of Energy 2010 National Science Bowl semifinals

"Who could bring a child into a world like this?" - Ellen Page

"I can't go on. I'll go on." - Jeffrey Dahmer

"Goddam, how did it get to be eleven? I am so miserable and alone." - The Editors