Monday, November 3, 2014

Death Stalks the Land

"If I die before my time, take comfort in knowing that I never really liked being alive." - Ben Affleck

"I feel like a man awaiting execution who has accepted that his life will no longer have any more content and is now content to spend his time in the prison yard taking in the sunshine." - Pharell, on writing “Happy”

“This has been a year of depressing realizations that I am too old to become anything other than what I already am, but worse.” - Angela Merkel, sending in the police

“When will I surrender the Final Surrender?” - Joe Biden, eating 10 pounds of banana pudding

“Speaking as an ape, I like my habitat.” - Jeff Koons

“To be unworthy of one’s crimes is the greatest mediocrity.” - Eliot Rodgers

“Only when you accept that you will not be remembered will you be free.” - Eric Frein

“It was all bad.” - the Aged One (Mitt Romney) explains life before the Fall to the younglings

“You people all together, you smell like a hospital.” - Obama to his Cabinet

“Apocalypse for some, freedom for all.” - Bill McKibben

“Ebola is the nectar of the darker gods.” - Truman Capote

"Does everyone's same blood move the same though? :whispers: Like other races." - Dr. Sanjay Gupta, live television

“Hipster Ebola, the Canadian ISIS!” - CNN

"Finally! A global news crisis happening a taxi ride away, at a pace and a level of intellectual sophistication we can totally phone-in. To the barricades!" - The New York Media

“Ebola: Nurse Union Plot? Only Ray Kelly Can Save Us” - the New York Post

“Technology, consumerism, and a bunch of overworked, underpaid nurses will save us!” - The New York Times

“My testicles dropped a full foot, is it ebola?!”
“Lol yes yr fucked 4 sure!”
- Chuck Schumer & Eliot Spitzer, via text

“This stone I cast at myself.” - Chris Christie locking himself into the bathroom

"The important thing is not to be afraid of getting Ebola but to fear everyone being afraid of getting Ebola." - Andrew Cuomo

“Magic Johnson has the cure for Ebola, and does he help his community? No, it’s up to me.” - Donald Sterling

"I hope they burn Brooklyn Bowl to the fucking ground!" - Vladimir Putin, tripping balls at Output

"Do they know it's Halloween in Africa?" - Michael Bloomberg, jumping the fence to Gracie Mansion

"With each step closer to you, the jokes get funnier. Some doctor in Texas? Whatever, quarantine the whole damn state, who cares and anyway it's one person in a country of three hundred million, those people are so fucking stupid. But you imagine him now, don't you? Riding the L to Bedford, getting out, walking to Brooklyn Bowl, his bowels silently churning themselves the whole time, what does he drink? A Sixpoint? A Brooklyn? Did he bowl or was he there for a show? You don't know, you don't read the news report about it, why would you, it's ridiculous, where did they say he lives? Sure, you want to be afraid, you want to give yourself over to the mass panic, to be a part of the only thing that unifies us. But mostly? You want to be him. You want to wake up in a quarantine tent with doctors dressed like spacemen above you, alone with your terror, to be the direct cause of a total sterility, to be the only stain in an all white room, to know you mean something before you die, as you die, to die right now, to die leaving a world more fearful behind you." - Ray Kelly

“Ebola outbreaks : medicine :: financial panics : economists. A corrective to Hubris.” - Dr. Phil

"What if we were led slowly through the desert and whipped bloody with chains, caking under the sun?"
"Grandpa what the fuck is wrong with you?"
- Cormac McCarthy at Disneyland

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