Martial Fucking Law

"Gentlemen do not read each others' mail." - David Petraeus to a highball

"To his great disappointment, the General's heart was not made of stone. Cupid's arrow had struck him with the devastating precision of a drone strike." - from Tampa Bay Fuck Den: History of an Indiscretion  by  Newt Gin Ginch

"Losing an election is worse than not makin' it with a lady."
"I don't understand."
- Dennis Quaid as Scott Brown as himself and Martin Short as David Petraeus 007 in Skyball

"I'm just glad that the scandal got so much attention while the rampant sexual abuse in the military continued, even at the highest levels, to be passed over in silence." - Jay Carney on Frost Over the World

"I believe there may be a force that binds people across great distances, something like psychism, yes." - Petraeus gets distracted at the Congressional hearing on the Benghazi attacks

"You were wild like chrysanthemum..." - Obama caressing Petraeus's face one last time

"Security doesn't just mean military security, it means energy security, economic security, sexual security." - Pat Robertson rides to Petraeus' defense

"It's more dignified to be doubled over, masturbating in the blue light of a computer screen than do what you have to do for sex these days." -  General John Allen

"Love is a struggle to become not the master but the slave." - Paula Broadwell

"The trouble with pornography is not that it substitutes images for bodies, it's that it substitutes images for fantasies." - Special Agent Frederick Humphries II

"One day a General found a woman on the subway whose face and body were gnarled with deformity. He took this woman by her knotted and cankered hands and told her that she was beautiful. The words stung her sharp as thorns. All the faces that ever puckered and winced upon sight of her flashed before her eyes. But not his face: he seemed to look not just past the forest of growths obscuring her eyes, but past her eyes and into her very soul. 'What do you mean?' she asked. He told her that he could see she possessed inner beauty, an inner beauty so great it surpassed even her outer hideousness, and that having discovered this inner beauty, he could never look away. With his power and his connections, he said, he could give her a body worthy of her inner radiance and make her the greatest beauty in the Homeland. That night he took her to her home and made love to her with such warmth and tenderness as she had never even known were possible. It made her feel like a real person. For months she endured the most painful operations, convalescing only just enough after each procedure to prepare for the next. And the General was there by her side the whole time, holding her hand, changing her bandages, cleaning her wounds, trimming her nails, brushing her hair, whispering in her ear, 'Not yet, my darling, not yet.' Until at last the day came when the bandages were removed, and they fell soundlessly at her side to reveal that she had indeed been transformed into the greatest beauty in the Homeland. That night the General took her to his home, an apartment with glass walls perched high atop a gleaming, steel tower that could not but remind her of the surgeon's instruments. And there he ravished her, as conqueror ravishes a city. His lovemaking (if it can be called that) was brutal. All of his tenderness, all of his love and warmth were gone. She was his thing now. She felt fear, then terror, then panic, and finally numbness. She turned cold felt as though she was watching the act, in all its violence, from outside her own, now unrecognizable body. When she woke, the General was gone. She knew that she would never see him again. Her reflection stared at her in the mirror. She tried to remember their first night together, but couldn't. She thought of smashing the mirror and slicing open a vein. She didn't have the strength." - from the diary of Jill Kelley

"The birth is over. It's a war criminal." -  Dr. John Boehner