The New Disorder

"You must choose: strangulation at the filthy, groping hands of fanatics or cold, precise, non-ideological death from sixty thousand feet."
- Barack Obama to a roomful of College Democrats or Pakistanis

"The Church is Evil, yes! But answer me this: What Knowledge would you have of Evil without the teachings of the Church? Who taught you to recognize Evil? Who gave you the name by which you call it and the moral faculties to discern it? The Church! It is not you that condemns the Church but the Church that condemns itself and, in so doing, reasserts itself as Absolute." - Cardinal Dolan

"Occupation? That sounds costly."
"No, we just wall them off and rain down fire every time we have an itch."
"Ugly stuff. But the wogs only understand force."
- Winston Churchill's ghost visiting Ehud Barak in his dreams

"Do you think the Wall would be more effective if it were decorated with skulls?"
"Do you mean like Día de los Muertos?"
"Somebody get this asshole out of here."
- Benjamin Netanyahu, Charlie Rose

"Sorry, scabs, I'm Pharaoh now." - Anubis sends word to Gaza from President Morsi

"Given that the attack occurred simultaneously with protests around the globe, it might have been reasonable to posit, as only one initial, working hypothesis among many, that the attack may have been part of this global eruption of protest. Yet it was precisely because this was such a temptingly reasonable hypothesis that it had to be rejected. What's important is not whether the attack was spontaneous, premeditated, or some opportunistic combination of the two, but whether we have the resolve to label any and all offenses against our Empire and its glorious Reign of Peace as 'terrorism.' It's not a question of conclusions but of premises. If you will indulge me in a a somewhat academic digression, to call the attack 'terrorism' has no value as a descriptive or 'constative' speech act. It is instead a 'performative' speech act by which the speaker pledges his fealty to the Empire and patches the hole in our worldview left by rocket fire."
- David Petraeus, Congressional hearing on the Benghazi attack

"There's one thing we've got, and that is: a lot." - Xi Jinping

"I had a nightmare that no one was oppressed and we only had millions of dollars!" - Wen Jiabo to his wife

"Finally, I can breathe!" - Hu Jintao's hair