Monday, December 17, 2012

You Said the Union Forever

"Hey there, hick, you've got the right to work!" - MI State House Speaker Rep. Jase Bolger

"At long last, Michigan shall be free of the tyranny of the New Deal!" - MI State Rep. Earl Poleski

"Now listen here: As white men we have an understanding. We each look after our own slices of the pie. Mine is the factory, yours is the family." - MI State Rep. Mike Shirkey

"The People of Michigan clamor to be exploited. Who am I to deny them?" - Gov. Rick Snyder

"Now drink from it."
"I don't know..."
"Drink it!"
- Kristen Gillibrand makes Andrew Cuomo drink from Frak Pond

"Fuck the moon!" - Mitt tries tea

"Do you like boxing, sir?"
"Sure, I can always appreciate the methodical take down of another human being."
- Mitt Romney meets with President Obama in the Oval Office

"The most beautiful woman I have ever seen at a café is at this café." - Jay Carney, every time he goes to a café

"If an ugly man can overcome his self-hatred, nothing can stop him." – PSY

"By the time I'm fifty I won't be able to exist anywhere besides Davos." - Mark Zuckerberg

"Which Denzel Washington are you?"
"The bad one."
- Bradley Cooper lost in the University of Denzel Washingtons

"Norquist is a Zeta!"
"No, he's a fucking Cossack!"
"Naw, man, he's Black Irish."
 - debate among Republican Senate Pages

"Well I'm drunker than..."
"John Boehner! Haw haw haw haw!"
- President Obama interrupting Speaker Boehner, Cliff Talks

"Where's our damn leverage?! Ah!"
- Kevin McCarthy pinned to the floor by Eric Cantor

"Have you ever kissed a man?"
"You mean, like, as a party trick?"
"No, I mean like..."
"Never mind."
"Come here. I want to try something."
- Boehner and Cantor, sleepover

"Eric! All these books and all this collected knowledge...we couldn't hope to learn it all!" - John Boehner preparing to sacrifice Eric Cantor in the Mayan fashion, Library of Congress after hours

"I saw, finally, that I was crazy and my own mind could lie to me." -  Pete Peterson, CEO/cartoon cat

"I hear there's a country where people still smile at each other in the street and don't hide from the sun!"
"That's a Chinese lie!"
- Saxby Chambliss is thrown out of the Sterilization Committee

"We really wish people's reactions were slightly more festive, you know like it used to be with lynching." - the NRA

"These tragedies are something else. A newsman's goal here is to get in as close as he can to the heat, and maybe touch one of the families." - Roger Ailes

"It's not that there should be fewer guns, but that they should all be in the hands of ever more militarized police." -  Mayor Mike

"Looking back we can say that we really have learned nothing, or, rather, that we lack the will to do anything but learn." - Barack Obama

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