Wednesday, March 25, 2015

The Tiger, The Minnow, and The Shark

“I am the Dragon Father to the Tiger Mom.” - Lee Kuan Yew

“Lee Kuan Yew died.”
“Lee Kuan Yew, who’s that?”
“You know, the Singaporean dictator.”
“Dictator?! Gasp!"
- as heard at Davos

"It doesn't matter whether a cat is white or black as long as you can buy the cat." - Lee Kuan Yew

“Two, three, many Singapores.” - Michael Bloomberg

“Caning works in a nation of school boys.” - Thomas Friedman

"Oh, you don't need chewing gum, you have a Father now." - Lee Kuan Yew

“I can't quite remember how many people I've met from Singapore. One? Two? They were so indistinct.”
“Jesus, I had a piano teacher from Singapore for two years. I can't remember her name.”
- Jed Rubenfeld and Amu Chua

“Newly Sober Jon Hamm to Lead Sinaporean People, ‘Justly’”
- The New York Times

"If this one rich old man dies, maybe all the rich old men in China will too!" - The Economist

“Only the natives can save colonialism.” - Hong Kong Chief Executive CY Leung

"Progress can only be measured one Great Man at a time. If you quibble with Lee's legacy, then why didn't you stop him when you had the chance?" - Hillary Rodham Clinton, funeral oration

"What do you say about the man before whom all words lose their meaning?" - Marco Rubio watches the announcement with the Man on the Grassy Knoll, South Beach

“I love my wife like I love Princeton, through a sheet.” - Chevy Cruz

"He's a fine speaker and seems like a weird lay. He reminds me of the people who actually did the homework at Yale." - Clinton

"When I'm President we'll build the Way Back Machine and shall commune with the Founding Fathers, as is our Destiny!" - Cruz Control at Liberty U.

"I'm sorry, Senator Cruz, but you've consumed all the World's knowledge and all the Children's dreams." - Zeus appearing as a cloud of Urine to the Senator

"My plan to win the Young and Brown? Those people all love a weird fucking gozzle neck." - Sen. Cruz before shoving Chuck Todd into a cotton candy machine

"If it wasn't for these goddamn compression socks I'd challenge him to a duel." - Sen. Shirley Graham on the Cruz

"If I needed rum to make love to my wife like a regular Protestant, it's my hope that I'd sire a son like Ted." - Mitt on a walk with Tagg and Rafalca, La Jolla Shores

"How do I feel? However the Money does." - Jeb Bush

"I can see this man's soul.” - Putin, first meeting with President Cruz

“Pet the wolf? Worship him.” - Putin

“What if men or, better, a man could command, directly, the fear of others?” - Putin

"I have over one million social media accounts." - Putin

"Care for a glass of History?" - Putin, Donetsk

"I play charades, but I don't need a partner." - Putin

"If I had a son? Ivan!" - Putin

"A secret history!" - a young Putin interrupts an art class on Caravaggio, becoming the inspiration for Raul Ruiz and Pierre Klossowski’s The Hypothesis of the Stolen Painting

"Piss sitting down and you'll never be assassinated." - Putin

"I knew it was the time to divorce my wife when she began to demand spontaneity." - Putin

“Rules are rules.”
“Except when they aren’t.”
“That’s power.”
“No – rules.”
- Angela Merkel & Vladimir Putin

"All ships are women."
"Not mine, he is a boy."
- Adm. Mike Mullen confronts Putin

"Once the Putin Honorarium is delivered to the Volga, accept it into the city, and have Victory proclaimed in all Russias." - Putin's plan for peace

"In Putin We Trust" - inscription on an unidentified Eurasian Union coin excavated from unknown ruins near present day Astana by Sxotlveb, head archaeologist of the Jovian Lizard Hegemony

“Lucid dreaming.” - Putin on what it’s like to be him