Monday, June 10, 2013

The Ecstasy of Being Told What to Do

“I am your mother.” - Barack Obama

“Cook your freshly grown food real slow like a proud white man.”
- Michael Pollan

"You'll never buy beer after 10 again!" - Recep Erdoğan

"Not in front of Dad!" - South Africa

“All of modernity has been leading up to this moment.” - Xi Jinping on the Dehui slaughterhouse fire

“The ‘Chinese People’ are the vanity mirror of the Communist Party.”
- Peng Liyuan

“Why Hong Kong? To martyr himself on the rack of his residual liberalism? I’d despise him just as much if he’d leaked all the files and fled to Cuba. At least then he could have lived a long and exceptionally healthy life of mojitos, brown-skinned women, and old-fashioned cars.” - John McCain on Edward Snowden

"I'm telling you, this guy is way more fringe than he lets on." - Rand Paul to his bunker maid

"This looks like a job for--CHINESE GANGSTERS!"
- John Kerry, gunned down at a P. F. Changs in Rancho Mirage, CA

"The People are like women in classic Hollywood films: they don't realize they love you until after you've fucked them."  - Mark Sanford

"Your representatives have not failed you. You have failed yourselves through your representatives." - Lindsey Graham

“Even the rich people I like, I hate.” - Warren Buffet

"I've given up fucking for saving the world, but I remain motivated by the same narcissistic sense of entitlement." - Bill Clinton, the William F. Buckley Dark Tubs, Davos

"I deserve to be mayor. I deserve to be loved." - Anthony Weiner

"I don't know where to go without an admissions test to show me the way." - the overachiever confronts the end of the line  

“We will only achieve Reform when we have liquidated the teacher as a class.” - Michelle Rhee

"There are those who would say that what we need is a new Master. I tell you: the Master you have been looking for is already inside you, waiting to surrender." - George R. R. Martin

“Yes, I can.” - Barack Obama

1 comment: