Tuesday, July 2, 2013

What The Hot Summer Day Hissed In My Ear

“Love is in the air, blotting out the sun.” – Justin Beiber

“This is about sex, it always was and it always will be.” – Mark Sanford in a three-way standoff, Belize

“Walk away from your life and join me for a desert cruise.” - Sting

“What is the most romantic thing anyone has said to you?”
“‘Let me share in your body, and you shall share in my empire.’”
- Barbara Walters, Wendi Deng-Murdoch

"There is a whole sex which has no concept of honor."
- Serena Williams

“Beautiful women get their lifelong sense of entitlement from being coddled by their fathers.” – Jon Voight

“It wouldn’t surprise you at all to learn that I’m a sex addict, would it?”
– Michael Pollan

“To be young is to be tormented by desire.” – Teddy Roosevelt, running his fingers through the argent mane of a young colt, eyes all agog…

"I imagine it's like testifying before Congress." - Bono on the female orgasm

"In the future men will fuck rocks and beasts!" - J. Scalia

"Little boys are the Third Way." - Bill Clinton in Plato's Symposium

“It’s a fuckin sexy time, man!” – Jeff Bridges on his ‘health club’

"If Tom Cruise wishes to continue your visit at the Abode past sunset, he will let you know by kissing you on the lips. This decision is not by party." - disclaimer

"To me parties always feel like a celebration of the fact that everyone else is having sex." - George Lucas at his wedding

“Stick your dick in the lava pit!” - Friday night

"I've seen The Vacation in all its spheres of tragedy and its enduring false promise of relief from existence. I've seen cars exploding on the beach traffic-strewn highways of Alabama; fat, fading fathers outside Bahamian jewelry shops, desperately calling home for more credit; young, white Americans studying abroad in Europe, aching for a hook up and finding only gourmet cheese; dead-eyed toddlers battered to shore by ceaseless waves; Brits who double as stand up comedians and magicians and fail at both--but damn don't the people clap."
- Conrad Hilton denouncing everything he ever loved from an iron lung Carnival Cruise Shareholder's Meeting

"If in the long term we are all dead, then in the short term we are all fucked." - Paul Krugman in St. Croix after spilling his entire blue frozen margarita all over his shirt front

Q: Why do we cry when we are happy?
A: Because we are strangers to happiness.

“At first you start out all itchy and horny, and then once you get a taste, it becomes a craving, like it’s not even you but some animal inside you, you go mad for it, crazy for it, you can’t get enough of it, and then there’s the fear, fear that your very insatiability is a sign that what you so desperately need, not that it will go away some day, but that it is already gone.” – Jack Nicholson in a terrible, lost film by Woody Allen

“It’s like the stars I used to navigate these waters have all disappeared.” - John Boehner, not knowing why everything seems different before suddenly and catastrophically realizing that it is because he is in love

“The love any random group of men has for each other is pure as mountain snow compared to the love of a mother for her child, or a wife for her husband.” - Alan Chambers

"Look at the bright side: at least you're not Chinese men under 35!"
- Bill Clinton

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