"Priscilla and I believe this money will be best put to use in more permissive tax structures." - Mark Zuckerberg, The Spawn Contract
“TFW #bae is #jihad and #jihad is #bae.” - the last Tweet
“A devastating terror attack against people the assailants knew personally! If you know or work with a terrorist, they could kill you!” - the media
"Attack health workers because they are vulnerable but dispensable." - Hick Command on the Medical Abyss
“California hicks are less slackjawed but also less… there.” - Kevin Costner, expert testimony
“Woah, wait, so is this a disgruntled employee, unhinged loser, or Islamicist mass murder? It's as if they are all but variations on the same mutilated life...” - Dzhokhar Tsarnaev, Lonely Plastic Room
“Mass shootings are the American call to prayer.” - Tariq Ramadan explains America to Narendra Modi
“Britain is going to war, because everyone else is!” - David Cameron, post-Raqqa airstrike pig-fucking reception
“‘Is it terrorism?’ Even ask this insipid question is to surrender your intellectual integrity and become thing-like. Is it terrorism? Or am I something other than a buoy bobbing up and down on a sea of discourse vomited out by Power?” - Mark Ruffalo, moments before the black hood on Conan
“It’s said that 2,400 people died in the Hajj stampede this September. What are the anemic pleasures of secular Western consumerism compared to such sublime frenzy?”
“I’m sorry, my friend: My understanding is that most people who die in a stampede don't die from trampling but rather suffocate from the press of people while still standing. This is but liberal individualism.”
- FIFA, House of Saud
"I control the channels of the self." - Chan Zuckerberg Initiative, excerpt from trust agreement
"My life was wrecked upon the shores of lassitude long ago, and the waves of time have carried away all that was once left to salvage." - Al Gore
“The sunshine is a fucking lie, this whole world is cloaked in darkness.” - Oscar Pistorious
"America is doomed."
"America is doom."
- Bernie Sanders, Hillary Clinton, Hot Rock Sauna Spa, Dirtteeth, NH
"Let's be honest for a second: Who hasn't wanted to shoot up their workplace? It's a natural enough urge. From a very young age--around the time your parents start putting you in time out--humans learn to cope with stress via compensatory fantasies of empowering violence. But what does it tell you about workplaces that, with them, so many grown adults are actually living the dream?" - Zuck wows the House hearing room in a dramatic speech and gets all the H1B visas he can eat
“With the Starfucker Base, we can fuck a whole star system!” - Adam Driver as Star Bad to Oscar Isaac as Godfather II-era Michael Corleone in The Last Bauble
