"Well, a friend of mine, Tom—Tom, are you here? There he is! My friend Tom here wrote this haiku, I'd like to read it to you. It's called 'The Choice,' and it goes:
A Jesus FascistIsn't that great? But really, it's a big decision, folks. How do we want American democracy to die?" - Willard Romney
A Libigotarian
A Mormon Ken Doll
"How can you doubt my power and magnanimity? I will make one out of every four Iowa voters high tenors in my tabernacle choir." - Willard Romney talking real close to Soledad O'Brien, Badger Bite, Iowa
"Look, my baby died. I am a victim. I have a right to infinite justice. And because I cannot avenge myself on God, I shall avenge myself on women—Gabriel's life was worth more than that of every single woman in this country. Because he died, no unwanted pregnancy must ever be terminated. If you don't understand that, you're insane." - Rick Santorum
"I love the primary system, it is the last true Contest in our decadent and effeminate culture." - Ron Paul
"Look here you shit, this used to be about space, dinosaurs, and my mother's brain, now it's about fucking vengeance." - Newt Gin Ginch to a gassy and uncomfortable John King
"If you are able to say that corporations, SuperPACS, and wealthy candidates can essentially buy elections (which they can), then you are already speaking from a position of superiority relative to the voting public. Whereas the public responds merely robotically to political advertising, you are informed, critical, and make genuine political decisions. Whereas the public is ignorant, you understand, understand not only politics, but the gap that separates your intelligence from that of the public--you can even measure it in dollars, a tacit admission that what separates you from them is not an inborn quality but your human capital, that is, the money that has been invested in your socialization. Point is, you're not criticizing the corruption of democracy. You're criticizing democracy.” – Rick Parry at Occupy What Cheer, IA
"The foetus is the property of the entire society. Anyone having children is a deserter who abandons the laws of national continuity. We will show Barack Obama this is true! The streets of our country are in turmoil. The universities are filled with students rebelling and rioting. Communists are seeking to destroy our country. Mexico is threatening us with her might, and the Republic is in danger. Yes - danger from within and without. We need law and order! Without it our nation cannot survive." - Michelle Bachmann's Last Preposterum
"Idleness is the closest to happiness I have ever come." - Jon Huntsman
"You know, I can't believe it either, but some people just love cold pizza." - Herman Cain on his 58 votes
"Hey, it's me, Buddy!" - Buddy Roehmer
"Pass me the whiskey and the Tylenol." - GOP primary voter
"Come one, man, really. Fuck me." - Barack Obama to a college Democrat
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