Tuesday, June 7, 2011

Fucking Without Fucking


"I'm going to show you all the stimulus." - Ben Bernanke before being tackled to the ground outside St. Aloysius School for Young Men

"I will make of you a Twitter bitch." - Andrew Breitbart

"I am a dream god of pure fiber." - Wolf Blitzer to Anthony Weiner

"I am the clap, you are the trap." - Mitt Romney to Donny Osmond

"Flee for your lives!" - Goldman Sachs CEO Lloyd Kraken, as euneuchs crash through the windows of a board meeting

"It's the gesture that counts. I gave the Queens car the V when I was 19, but I didn't actually fuck her." - Harry Wales

"Finger-tapping, soul-killing, ear-kissing, empire-melting Woman!" -a young Sky Briggs leaving a screening of Mary Poppins

'You remember that one time your female friend let her kiss you?'
'Yeah, you remember that one time the hot dog stand guy gave you an extra dog?'
- Anthony Weiner and Jon Stewart, 1982

"Is it true your nips are hot pink?"- Hank Paulson to the Butter Queen

"The fallout from your sex reached all the way to Wyoming!"- Barry Manilow at Macao

"Bobby Jindall tried to get in the bed last night. Kept sayin' 'the dogs are cold!' - Sen David Vitter, GOP Convention, Tampa 2012

"Who cares about Anthony's weiner?" - Katherine Sebelius, laughing uncontrollably at a Cabinet Meeting while everyone looks on in stunned silence

"I wasn't invited but my putrid skin was." - Rupert Murdoch on the Bloomberg White House Press Correspondents Dinner Orgy

"Women are incapable of transcendence." - Bill Clinton

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