Tuesday, May 31, 2011

What Vague and Chaste Slavery

"At last, I was just like everyone else! I wouldn't have to kill anyone again!" - Barack Obama, 2013

"We just reached the debt limit, soon we'll reach the sex limit, then the fear limit, then the bacon limit!" - Sen. Rand Paul

"Black women are the new spaceshuttle!" - Newt Gin Ginch

"Dear Judge: Baby, we've got to fuck. If you can't see that, then I can't help you." - Eric Holder

"I can't walk with a woman by my side." - Sen. Harry Reid

"I feel like an emotional tourist." - Mitt Romney

"I ate my horse." - Sen. Saxby Chambliss
Amtrak Security porn on the TV
Trains wheels save tight, college-bound legs from wear
Penn Station is the best basement ever

- Joe Biden
"While this Blog still posts, the true Hate shall not vanish from the Earth." - POTUS Barack Hussein Obama II, the Spider Memorial

We Watched Adult Swim


"Dr. Paul you can't operate on a blind child and filibuster the administrative state!" "Just watch me Senator."
This Fall on CBS: Sen. Rand Paul, MD, with Hugh Laurie as Harry Reid

A Lifetime Special: Vlad Putin and Lil' Boots Medvedev star in Maid in Manhattan II: Late Checkout

New Late Night MTV: Total Indie-Request Live with your VJ's David Cameron, Timo Soini, and Roger Daltrey

"Hey Bernanke, you think those chicks are pro?" - Elliot Spitzer as the 2005 version of himself in Law & Order: Securities and Exchange

Special Live 30 Rock Episode to Be Arnold Schwarzeneggar's Triumphant Return to Fucking!

Monday, May 30, 2011

Fuck Off

"Free Ai Weiwei." - The Editors

"China, what a shithole." - Jerome Cohen

Sunday, May 29, 2011

Not Guilty


"The greatest misogyny is that of women against other women."
- Kenneth Moreno

"NY1 is like a cross between a church bulletin, a French talk show, and Cuban state television." - Franklin Mata

"Pedophiles aren't gay!" - Joseph Ratzinger

"One of those dark, deadly, quiet men who have no more feelings than a butcher has for slaughtered meet. I knew it the first time I saw you."
- Michelle Obama

"Family is ideology." - Arnold Schwarzeneggar

"The poor are carbs." - George W. Bush

"We should focus on a line of products entirely devoted to the narcissism of the consumer." - Steve Jobs

"All that you can do in your life is decide--assuming that there is any part of your mind capable of free action and not entirely overdetermined by unconscious drives, ideological programming, or deterministic biological processes--to what larger historical tendency--of which you may not have any real knowledge--you will contribute your individual effort, while keeping in mind that every aspect of that tendency, including the efficacy of your own actions in and upon it, remains fundamentally outside of your control."
- Bill Clinton

Saturday, May 28, 2011

Da Basement


"Hey there Bob. I think I gotta tune worked out, but what's this about 'the heart is filled with gold as if it were a purse?'"
"You know, you'll die by your own hand."
-Richard Manuel and Bob Dylan, Basement of Big Pink, 1967

"A dark liquid is surging into the basement! Like those green, dark waters that the secret family drinks for purity. She was my daughter, now my queen, and like a pavlovian tapeworn, she digests metal when in the presence of legionaire's disease and the Beatle's 'Don't Pass Me By.' - A young Col. Roosevelt stealing a few soft words below in the dark with his date, The Sweetland Ball

"The Swiss : cuckoo clocks :: Austrians : basements." - Orson Welles

"Here the night is dark, the ground is cold, but I wouldn't dream of starting my campaign anywhere else." - Newt Gin-Ginch draped in diamonds

"Love at first sight." - Amy Chua on Josef Fritzl

"What can I say, I'm an unreconstructed Austrian, I love basements." - Arnold Schwarzeneggar

"A Tiger Mom never cleans the basement."

"An impertinent poet is like a callow dog or a fine bottle of wine. A few decades down in the dark here and there and they come out just right for consumption, with bulging fish eyes and a new sweetness of voice." - Dr. José Gaspar Rodríguez de Francia y Velasco

Saturday, May 21, 2011

Is Goldman Sachs Speeding Up the Future? Part Three


Dear Raoul,

You fool, you’ve taken up exactly the point of debate I wanted to wage.

Friedman, Harvey, and Arrighi (or what I've read of them) share a conviction that is a a common fallacy: proactive revolution, that is to say, revolution out of step with the dialectic. If you want to get drunk on Marxism, read Marx, who preaches a vast wasteland of starvation and depravity around which the revolution must coalesce. That is to say, in contemporary terms, high food prices leading to starvation, global warming making the planet uninhabitable, overaccumulation rendering all but the highest brackets of society uninhabitable.

All of which are, obviously, outcomes that we must not allow to come to pass. But the "speed up the future" argument, as I had come to understand it, is a provisionally nihilistic exercise in Realpolitik. As such, it stands to reason that the dialectical forces that will bring revolution in the context of a vacuum of proactive progressivism will come more quickly, thus dulling the potential decades of starvation and depravity. You will recall that food prices were the single most tangible material deficit to inspire Tunisia and Egypt. Ideologies of liberation were powerful enough only to provide a reactive rallying cry. There was a historical-material trigger, suggesting that perhaps the Historical Dialectic cannot subsist on ideology alone, no matter how pressingly progressive that ideology may be.

There is a third possibility here, which would be to speed up the future by raising awareness of exploitation and depravity in the ruling classes among the wretched of the earth, thus triggering the reactive progressive move through a synthesis of ideology and empirical observation. This would seem to be Harvey's angle, though I fear he preaches only to a choir for whom political action is fetishized but not properly understood--a choir who, given the opportunity to take up arms for the cause, would prefer to keep reading, assuming their comrades were safe and their meals still adequate.

If I can sum this all up in one proclamation, it is this: we need a radical leftist Realpolitik.Without it I fear we are condemned to bitching, moaning, and smoking cigarettes inside our intricately constructed ideological cocoons, drunk on the feeling of raw and utter truth and superiority we draw from a vital and devastating knowledge on which we know not how to act. We too need the dialectic.

Never doubt my leftism again, you motherfucker. I would gladly piss in Friedman's mouth and nuke the Aspen Institute.

- Francis Fukuyama

Street Hassle

And then sha-lala-lala he entered her slowly
and showed her where he was coming from
And then sha-lala-lala he made love to her gently
It was like she'd never ever come.
'God, a woman once said words like those to me. It was so intoxicating. What a fool I was.'

'Really? That would scare the shit out of me.'

'Even more stimulating than the thought of her pleasure is that of your own prowess, when the truth is that you're both just mute slaves to your bodies. It's disgusting.'

- Mike Huckabee and Mitt Romney, as overheard at The Cakeshop