"A real affable set there, Johnny.""God..the swelling..." - Jay Leno
"Sure was, Ed."
"He's a fine young comic, shows a lot of talent and future."
"Sure does Ed. That's why I want to fucking cut him. Cut him! Get out!!! Everyone the hell out!!!"
"My success, if you can call it that, is due to the fact that I know it's all about the ass." - Letterman
"I won't fucking go on without a gun!" - Katie Couric at CBS 2006
"Just glue it like a fucking Van Dyke Jesus Christ!" - Dick Van Dyke helping his daughter on her school project after two bottles of champagne, 1973
"Yo, yo, maybe Herzen was Mark Twain, yeah..." - Cornell West on Real Time with Bill Maher
"No, no, there will never be sex again, that light has gone out of this universe." - Conan