Friday, April 17, 2015

A long time ago in a galaxy far,
far away. . . .

"All the retching and bitching and hatred for the last three Star Wars movies then Disney gives them a minute of a new one and they roll over like bitches in heat! Everything you need to know about Americans right there--they'll take it every time." - James Cameron to Kathryn Bigelow, celebrity tour of Guantanamo Bay

"Surely we can't criticize popular culture in this, the best of all possible worlds." - Robert Downey Jr. at the Korean DMZ

“All the sex in this movie is practical effects." - J.J. Abrams, Star Wars: Eddie Bauer Edition!

"Star Wars is, and it always has been, pure California."
- George Lucas, Episode VIII: The Promise and Peril of the Bay

“Of course I'm Hispanic." - Jeb Bush to George Lucas

"After releasing the IP to Disney, I was finally able to progress beyond the anal phase." - George Lucas

"Après Felicity, le déluge." - JJ Abrams

"Star Wars was never sci-fi, and it was never fantasy. It was post-modern pastiche, the first modern blockbuster, the death of genre." - literary genius George R. R. Martin

“Why bother creating when to suck it down is so much better?” - Hayden Christensen to that kid and Jawa #6 at FanCon Omaha 2016

“I'm just one of those people, I wake up in the middle of the night and I think: how can I tell the same story again and again.” - JJ, Episode IX: Escape from Marin County

"When Harrison broke his leg, they offered me the part, but I turned it down because Abrams wouldn't let me shoot first." - William Petersen

"Our only hope is to convince people they still care about Star Wars."
"On the contrary, people don't know they are allowed to not care about Star Wars."
- Samantha Power and Clinton Campaign Chair John Podesta

"Ungrateful welp, the Star Wars were fought for your benefit."
- John McCain

"Harrison Ford's so fucking old, he needs a facelift."
"What, so he can look like Carrie Fisher?"
"Oh yeah, she like got hit by a hot garbage truck, right?"
"Hey, man, come on, she has a disease, it's not her fault she bought that mountain of cocaine."
- Stormtrooper extras in two distinct time periods on the sets of both Schindler's List and Star Wars VII 

"I'm still waiting for my call." - Billy Dee Williams

"It's really a shame that Lando died in Return of the Jedi."
- George Lucas consulting with JJ Abrams on set

Black Star Wars: A Pop Musical Extravaganza


Luke Skywalker    ...    Andre 3000
Princess Leia      ...     Alicia Keys
Obi-Wan Kenobi   ...   Fred Williamson
Han Solo         ...        Justin Timberlake
Chewbacca       ...       Yao Ming
R2-D2           ...           Peter Dinklage
C-3PO           ...           Reggie Watts
Lando Calrissian   ...   Terrence Howard
Yoda            ...             Robert De Niro
Jabba the Hutt     …    Aretha Franklin
Darth Vader       ...       Cee Lo Green
Grand Moff Tarkin   ...  Christoph Waltz
Emperor Palpatine  ...  Ronald Reagan
the voice of every Stormtrooper  ...  Louis C.K.

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