"This dissent is all well and good but someone who's life actually matters to Power might get scuffed on. The only decent thing for our Men to do is wipe them out." - Rep. Steve Scalise (R-LA) “unknowingly” addresses a group of Neo-Nazis
"You can't prove that I didn't feel threatened." - Bill Bratton to his wife after kicking the dog out of the way of the refrigerator door
"The police is where a liberal society puts those who cannot sublimate their barbarism in the pursuit of a middle class idyll." - Hillary Clinton levels with Chelsea that she’ll never play in the NFL, 1994
"People can handle the moral complexity of crime and the affinity of cops and criminals for each other only in something like The Departed, because everyone is white and the public transportation is laughable." - Mitt Romney waiting outside Chick-Fil-A on a Sunday
"Why can't we have a crime show in Atlanta?"
"And call it what? Pig Hoof Inspector?!"
- Amy Pascal throws Tyler Perry and Jerry Bruckheimer out of her Koi Pond suite
"From condemning Ferguson riots to apologia for The Interview, it's been a lightning fast turnover from tragedy to farce for liberal hypocrisy." - Ann Curry explaining How to Protect Your Interests When Shit Gets Real, The Today Show
"If we try to fix this we'll have to claim some kind of responsibility and no one wants that." - Pataki '16
“No man kills me and lives!” - Bedford Forrest before wrongly killing a mutinous cavalryman
"The real problem here is the culture of getting shot by the police among the black community." - Rudy Giuliani to his pink poodle Marshall Petain
"What do you make of a world in which the most lucid enunciation of ethics is met with violence? Fuck this country. Death to America." - NYPD Patrolmen's Benevolent Association President Pat Lynch
"You can trust we Northern Republicans because we have never forgotten there is a Thin Blue Line between the rabble and the money." - Peter King
"God, I am so missing out!" - Ray Kelly
"Don't worry rich hippy fucks to the rescue!" - Rolling Stone spikes Awareness on the fifth yard line
"The deal is simple: You get liberal freedoms, one generation of upward mobility, and some time at the commodity buffet, and all you have to do is cheer on the ritualistic murder of black people."
- US Citizenship Exam
“Eric Garner should have done the decent thing and died by the hand of Big Food as he was meant to do." - CEO Kraft Single
"No no, they don't hate the mayor, I think someone said there was free Dunkin Donuts at the back of the memorial." - Police Horse Free Love Society spokesman
"Thank god another plane has vanished in Southeast Asia, anything to take my mind off the race war!" - Richard Quest to Don Lemon
"No tears for dead cops or cancelled movies!" - Left Twitter
"Would you allow some hacker or dictator to deny Americans their God given right to mediate geopolitical anxiety via flashy images and compensatory fantasies of Orientalist sex and imperialist violence?"
- Obama stares down Chuck Todd's weird new beard
"I lived The Interview, Charlie. Except in my case I was lavishly compensated for corporate espionage and the promotion of corn ethanol and lithium batteries." - Thomas Friedman
"You can't tell me what to do with my property, I'm the richest fucking mallard in the world." - Scrooge McDuck