VI(OLAB)LE BODIES

“My Body is Unlimited.” – Newt Gin Ginch

“This shit is kicked.” – Diane Feinstein

“God’s love burns inside me.” – Solar Santorum, Bleach Ocean National Seashore

“I want so badly to exist.” - James Marsden, The Passion of James Marsden

“Burn out as hard and fast as you can.” – Willard Romney awarding the Medal of Baal, 2013 National Scout Jamboree

“Listening to Sigur Ros reminds me of what it was like not to have pubic hair.” – John Boehner on climate change

“Better to abstain than to sully.” – Lars von Trier

Joe Paterno to Keep Warm Phil Fulmer’s Double-Wide Bleacher Seat in Hell

“MARRY ME!” – spinster Jerry Brown

“I believe in Magick.” – Mage Santorum, anointing self with fetus elixir, the Gargoyle Debate

“Did you ever wonder how many rape victims you were descended from? It’s probably a lot.” – George Romney

“I believe in internet pornography because I believe in euthanasia.” – Ron Paul, Yonic Chasm, MT

“I never drink coffee at lunch. I find it keeps me awake in the afternoon.” – Ronald Reagan

“Sleep is a dress rehearsal for death.” – Michelle Houellebecq

Last Call at Playboy Mansion: The Kelsey Grammer Story
Starring Fred Thompson

“This is the goddamn Jazz Age of burger joints.” – Bill Clinton, opening of the Fulton Mall Shake Shack, Brooklyn

“I don't know why, I really thought he was above that kind of thing.” – Rob Lowe discussing Joseph Gordon-Levitt on The Ellen DeGeneres Show

"How many Penn State coaches does it take to screw in a light bulb?"
"Two. One to screw it in and one not to tell the police."
- Eli and Payton Manning, The Laugh Factory

“I’m not one of those guys likes to make love to his wife. I just like to put on a hazmat suit and probe her. You know, like in the Japanese videos.” – Eric Cantor, Congressional Milk Sauna

"What more beautiful and inspiring expression of the rejection of life is there, aside from suicide, than the rejection of sex, particularly by the young?" - Billy Graham, pony shopping in Birmingham

“What is the secret of Polish women? Where does their beauty come from? Where does it go?”
“They’re not beautiful. They’re sixteen.”
- Barack Obama and Jay Carney, Greenpoint, Brooklyn

“You have to admit, there is something to admire in a man who abandons any hope of happiness for himself and lives only for the multiplication of capital. ” – Paul Krugman, reluctantly, on David Koch

“This weather makes me want to die.”
“It’s just your emotions thawing.”
- the Ginch and Sean Penn, boating off an unseasonably warm Fire Island

"One day they will say of me, If only he had known what it was like to be loved, If only he had eaten more prunes..." – POTUS Barack Hussein Obama II to Portal Secretary Adm. Mike Mullen while idly fingering the Button