Great Turtlenecks in Culture

"Time for an update."
A shockwave of fear ripped across the room.
"Give me your fucking iPhones. All of you."
The terrified shareholders reverently placed the sacred objects upon the conference table. Black stones on a black altar.
"You can get the new model from HR," said Jobs, circling the table, hammer lolling in his hand.
One by one, he smashed the phones, like an undertaker driving so many nails into a great coffin.
He stopped.
"What. the fuck. is this."
"I--I--I haven't had a chance to update my plan yet--I meant to--I just--"
"Put your hand on the table."
"No--please!--No!--I swear!--I was going to--"
"Now."

Great Turtlenecks in Culture

The last time I saw Papa was in Key West. He was having a tea party with several cats he'd tied down to the table, dressed up in human clothes. "This is Gerty," he said. The one across from him. A fat, resigned-looking tabby in a beret. It did look like her, I thought.
"Gerty can't have biscuits today," he said. He dipped his finger in his tea and then used it to massage the anus of the kitten cradled in his arms. "She already ate." The kitten moved its bowels. He started to cry. "Gerty ate her children."

Great Turtlenecks in Culture

"What do we do?!"
"Keep walking."
"But we've got to get help!"
I looked at him, hard.
"We can't just leave her here!"
"Can't do nothing for her now."
"Christ, Michael, she looks only sixteen—"
Socked him one in the kidney. That shut him up.
"You listen to me, Burton. Geordies don't fink, do you hear?"
Wiped his vomit from me shoes.
"Wasn't you put her there, was it? You just found her. And now you forgot her. We're just two blokes out for a walk on the beach. Just another day in New Castle."

Great Turtlenecks in Culture

Later that evening the top was discarded and never worn again.
But, Reader, that top got closer to Xanadu than you ever will.

Great Turtlenecks in Culture

She asked him why the yacht was full of Branston Pickle. He handed her one of the jars and told her to open it. He watched with evident gratification as she struggled with the jar, her disrobed body flexing in the lamplight. He did not tell her the lid was glued shut.

Great Turtlenecks in Culture

Davis told Friedlander that if he happened to appear in the photo with eyes closed he would "be on your ass like a fever."