It Broke His Entrepeneurial Spirit

Scenes from a Rape
Damaged Goods Spring
Poison Strawberries
Hacks and Whispers
I Am Curious: Black
Audiences Who Hate Women

Farewell, Dear Leader

From ivory perch,
arms-length musings on the East,
(U.S.A. long time):

Nuclear power,
Opaque state apparatus,
Schrodinger's cat, dead.

Orphaned, we stare a
moment of uncertainty
in its squinty eyes.

A Holiday Greeting From Father

Dear Son Boy,

Grampy wants to remind us to bring our warm boots with us. Apparently a mountain lion has been killing some of the cattle in the field back by the old woods. Rumors are it might be a hundred year cat like the ones Gram Barnes and the first people talk about, like the one that carried off gramp's brother when he was a boy. The wind is howling and the snow is falling. We’ll hunt on the full moon.

Love,

Your father,

Sure-Eyed Teetering Tom

This Goddam Horse is Made for War

"Symbolism is important m'boy, but so is glue!." - First Lord of the Admiralty Winston Churchill

"What if the War Horse fucked like a War Criminal?" - Steven Spielberg to an incredulous John Williams

"I don't see the fuss over an old horse, I saw plenty of them as I passed the ladies powder room." - that delightful fop Noel Coward

"Why won't you let me regress?!" - Steven Spielberg grabbing his Analyst by the throat

"Well it may not be the hip thing to say, but I think animals running in war is glorious." - Rick Parry

"Snowy, these people are inferior!" - Tintin in the Congo with a disapproving Snowy

"No oats, no war, no more fun." - The War Horse leaping from the HMS Hope, Atlantic Ocean, 1919

U.S. Toops Celebrate End of Christopher Hitchens

Ginch in the Time of Cholera

"I'll never love again." - Newt Gin Ginch, crying into his chocolate pudding, Mr. Gatti's lunch buffet

"There are so many people who I think are so sophisticated but then I look at their choice of sexual partners and I realize, no, they're not, they eat fast food just like everyone else." - New Gin Ginch to a mirror

"That's why it won't just be me on the USS Pegasus. Only strong women of will and a feeling of manifest destiny need apply." - The Ginch before being dismissed from the View

"...and if you stare into Cinnabon, Cinnabon stares also into you..."
- Ginch, Woodland Hills Mall, Tulsa, OK

"Quick, let's jerk off!" - Newt Gin Ginch, briefly alone with Rick Santorum at Thanksgiving Dinner

"Give me danger, little stranger." - Ginch in an awkward exchange with Chris Wallace, Fox News/Briggs Tech Debate

"And this is you how treat the man who puts his penis inside you?"
- The Ginch to Jackie Battley upon her diagnosis with uterine cancer

"The Obamas make love with all the passion of an afternoon workout at the gym, but our sex is like an amphibious invasion, a reptile circus." - Callista Gin Ginch

"At some point I realized that I would be alone forever, and I thought to myself, my God, it's going to be so much easier from now on." - West Georgia College Assistant Professor New Gin Ginch, days before being denied tenure

Bad News

"I am the Actuary of all I Behold!" - Angela Merkel

"How bout ten fucking thousand, you hick?!"
- Willard Romney to Rick Parry

Iran Downs Drone*

"My moustache still grows blonde." - New Gin Ginch

"If I was a horse, I'd fight in a war." - Steven Spielberg

Drone Downs Wedding Party

"You only live once, but you die a thousand times."
- National Defense Authorization Act for Fiscal Year 2012

"She thought about what she would have been in a different time. The horrible fate of the most beautiful woman in the village. Assuming she were not sold into slavery, she could escape the indentured servitude of domesticity only by way of agonizing publicity, her whole life spent resignedly catering to the pleasures of men, all sense of self externalized in their gaze, unable to touch herself except through the calloused, grasping hands of a peasant. It takes remarkable fortitude for a beautiful woman to be able to think past the next meal under such conditions." - Condaleeza Rice, No Higher Honor

“You can develop a machine, and you can move the mud, but the mud wins.” – Barack Obama

Political Theology

"Listen, while you sleep know that I hate you and will betray your Cause for the smallest of things." - Michael Caine to his Oscars

"I don't mean that we all end up dead, that's not the great pity. I mean that he couldn't tell me what he was dreaming, and I couldn't tell him what was real." - Deng Xiaoping to Charlie Rose, on Mao

"Progressive taxation was invented by the Jews." - Jon Kyl

Putin Declares Self 'The New Bloomberg'

"When the last hair falls from my baldman's tuft, this Nation shall be cast into the Sea." - David Cameron naked with his Ministers in the Steam Room, 10 Downing St.

"If you want to keep a roof over your head, then you have to let your husband beat you." - Rick Santorum on deregulation

“My opponent’s shrill insistence on the absolute value of individual human life makes me want to wash and towel down with deer skin.”
- Rick Parry

Bloomberg Declares Self 'Putin for Life'

"I mean, who are you? A parasitic, grasping, low-born social climber who does nothing but write self-gratifying pap, your only aspiration to concretely impact the lives around you: to by influence the thoughts of a vulgar, reactionary oligarchy, or of its better-looking, more 'progressive' but equally anti-democratic and ultimately impotent kid-brother bourgeoisie. No, sorry, I have nothing to say to you."
- Barney Frank at a launch party for the latest issue of The Nation

"Yeah, I know, we have a really great friendship, but what I'm saying is, that's not good enough any more. I want to fuck."
- Bill Clinton, on the limits of liberal democracy

"How was that, Nich?"
"Let's try it again, John."
"OK!"
"Sound. Speed. Action!"
"Any dreams you have or plans for your future, I think you're gonna have to put that on hold. For the rest of your life, you're going to be looking over your sh---wait! No! CHINESE GANGSTERS!"
- Jon Huntsman, gunned down on the set of Drive

If You Can Read This, You're Lying