"Yanis Varoufakis, what a dreamboat! Too bad Syriza's gone so normcore." - the ghost of Alexandros Grigoropoulos
"That's the difference between Yanis Varoufakis and someone like Christopher Hitchens. No illusions of enlightenment. Just shame."
- Bernie Sanders to an empty Burlington Town Hall
"Typical teenage Greek Marxist story. We all turn out that way."
- Arianna Huffington
"Varoufakis was just some random intellectual, but now, thanks to the strength of his writings, he's been plucked from obscurity and controls the fates of millions. Truly socialism is government by the Righteous!" -10,000 salivating white men.
“He makes me want to fuck again!” - Doug Henwood
"He's the new Obama: we all to curl up with him beside the fire as the world burns. Our imaginary coupling vindicates our abdication, converts complicity into failure. His inevitable defeat ennobles our a priori surrender. We believe that we too have tried, that we desired to try. " - Andreas Papandreou from his lectern at UC Berkeley during a seminar on Trotskyism
"At least I wear a necktie when I beg for money from foreigners."
- Constantine II, King of the Hellenes, at the European Court of Human Rights
"The pity of it is, while Syriza is actually positioned to destroy Europe, socialists are the only people foolish enough to want to save it." - Chelsea Clinton
"This is a world historical moment, comrades, to sneer at anarchist anti-electoralism and erase a decade of anarchist leadership of the Greek struggle!" - the Jacobin editorial board
"I will never tire of liberating my country from the Turk, even if he lives in Berlin." - Nikolaos Michaloliakos
"You didn’t have the same upbringing as I did. You do not love the new Europe like I do." - Mesut Ozil to the unbaptized children of Alexis Tsiparas
"Do we have a lien on the acropolis? Yes. Will we enforce it?..."
- Deutsche Bank CEO Juergen Fitschen, trailing off as his mic is disconnected
"We ought not think that the Godhead is purely the euro. Ignorance is how we overlooked our God, the Germans. They now commandeth we all repent. They have appointed a day in which they will judge the world in righteousness. They have risen while austerity buries us all."
- Christine Lagarde at the Areopagus
"State violence is the new gold standard." - Angela Merkel
“We’ve been in this IHOP all night, and we’re still no closer to a settlement!” - the Negotiations
“Just in case, Chancellor, I've deployed a drone over Syntagma Square.”
“A drone?! Where did you get a drone from?”
“At the ECB Christmas Party. In the little goodie baggies. Why what was in yours?”
- Ursula von der Leyen & Angela Merkel
"Let a great spreadsheet advance itself across the entirety of the European continent." - Wolfgang Schäuble
“I can see it!” - Putin
"If I would have known this was how things would turn out, I'd have walked to Crimea instead. Where are my fucking cigarettes!" - Patrick Leigh Fermor, upon his arrival in Athens to undergo a tracheotomy, June 2011
"The USSR would have ended differently if they could have pegged the rouble to bitcoin." - Besim Beqaj, Kosovo Minister of Finance and avid gamer
"When do the islands go on sale? Daddy needs a new Red Room!"
- Xi Jinping
"The true disaster would be neither for Syriza to reveal themselves as just another neoliberal party, nor for them to make huge oversteps that bring about the end of their reign in a storm of fire. No, the true horror would be for them to prove competent in government, able to negotiate successfully with the ECB and institute an anti-austerity program that makes small but real improvements in the lives of the Greek working class without making permanent trouble for capital. When will the Left learn that their job is not to staunch the bleeding of the hand that feeds them, but to cut its arm off at the elbow!" - Bandito Paul Krugman
"Two, three, many Costa Concordias!" - Italian Prime Minister Matteo Renzi speaking to the new Alliance of Mediterranean States
"Can't you see it? Fascists in the streets in France, Germany and Italy. Hopeless communist struggle in Greece. A violent and wayward anarchist movement in Spain. The British silently and implicitly backing the Right, but ready to move against them should it prove beneficial. A war in Eastern Europe that could threaten the whole global order. But instead of communists in Russia, it's Putin! And America's on our side! We're getting a goddamn mulligan on the 20th century, but this time, the good guys are gonna win! Viva Fascism!" - Charlie Hebdo "satirical" editorial
Schäuble recognizes that Varoufakis has reached his end, and, to let his failing senses catch the words, roars in his ear: “No one else could have paid these debts, since they were made only for you. I am now going to release them.”
“THERE ARE FOUR LIGHTS!” - the Greek people being dragged from Europe