"My asshole is as soft as soy milk." - Tim Pawlenty
"My jizzum is pure steam, my blood, buttermilk!" - Rand Paul
"My sweat smells like elephant shit." - Paul Ryan
"My sperm count makes Detroit look like Miami." - Newt Gin-Ginch
"I could not help it, years of abuse turned my member sentient." - Arnold Schwarzenegger
"I shave my balls with duck demi-glace and blades of the finest obsidian." - Dominique Strauss-Khan
"You can't trust anything a black woman says." - Bernard Henri-Lévy
