Sludge Dog, Gin Truth

"I just hope that I can learn to have sex with Jesus watching."
- Viktor Orbán

"Your heart has to burn with patriotism to make love to your enemy." - James Carville

"New York, that evil bitch goddess demon, on all fours with that fuck-me stare." - Mike Bloomberg

"I couldn't care less about jihad or the people who oppose it."
- Geert Wilders

"I am what Coolidge couldn't desire to be!" -Mitt Romney

"Stephen King is the novel's Steven Spielberg." - Steven Spielberg

"I'm tired of being Jewish." - Steven Speilberg, on Munich

"I would like people to think that I am as quick and clever and charming as the characters I write." - Aaron Sorkin

"I just shat myself!" - Jonathan Franzen

"I can't shit!" - Roger Ailes

"She brought all these friends of hers over. While she was out getting a baguette, I shat on them!" - Camus

Eros tyrannis

"Blood affair! Phlegm marriage!" - Howard Dean

"Old flames are like cockroaches: they only show up in your bedroom to die." - Dame Judy Dench

"Don't tell Zelda about us, I love you too damn much!" - F. Scott Fitzgerald to a bottle of Campari, Florence 1924

"I am the barley, I am the plow, my body is your sacrament." -Col. Oliver North to President Ronald Reagan at Bohemian Grove

"A cock's just a stolen hubcap." - Elizabeth Taylor

"For a long time I wanted love, until I realized that others were only a mirage." - Charlie Rose

"Oh, Todd and I have never had sex in the same room." - Sarah Palin

"I would strip a bear on a January morning and lash myself with a plow whip for thy hand, Lady." - Sen. George McGovern to his wife on their 50th wedding anniversary

"We can't keep doing this indefinitely. Someday we'll have to do something that matters." - Javier Bardem,

"For me the game of love is much like hunting a man on foot with a knife. It's not over until the blade is clean." - Vladimir Putin

"Relationships are abuse." - Angela Merkel

As Heard on Charlie Rose

"I've had plenty of women, of course, but I never touched a lizard woman. The faint hissing was enough for me." - Charlie Rose

"Either revolt or flip burgers." - George Soros

"Help us to understand what was going through your mind when you bought the Strait of Gibraltar." - Charlie Rose to Carrie Fisher

"The American Office is such vile shit." - Josh Brolin

"But you do care about your family?" Rose to Chris Hitchens

Scalia: Between race and gender, I find race more compelling because...
Rose: ...because there are black men.

"Play Twister? I can't see a fucking thing in here." - Doris Kearns Goodwin

"Is there anything in particular that you would like me to do to you?" - Rose to a twenty-three year old, bilingual intern

"Vat the hell vus that?" - Henry Kissinger

"'...and as he opened the book he was torn apart by a tumult of small devils.'" - Rose, reading from the memoirs of Alan Alda

"I don't even know why you invited me here if you're just going to ask me to 'get nuts' every question." -Michael Keaton

“I constantly wanted to know and experience everything. But I was never intrigued by drugs. I always liked alcohol, but I never had cocaine in my life…I was never tempted – I was so in love with doing, experiencing, feeling, traveling…the experience itself was enough for me.” - Charlie Rose

Dirt Nap

"My goddam heart is breaking!!!" - Hungarian Cinema

"Shit! Have a beer!" - Czech cinema

"You think you're sad? Fuck!" - Polish cinema

"The past! Campari!" - Italian cinema

"Ughhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!"- Russian cinema

"If I were possessed of a body like her's, I too could be free."
- Scott Brown on Lady Gaga

"Charles never touches bacon without a condom on."
- HM Elizabeth II

"Harold Ford Jr is with us, he's a sack of shit."
- The Charlie Rose Show

Burlington Bloat Factory

"They're offended? How about people who are not offended? Do we tally the numbers? Is there a right not to be offended?" - Rep. Anthony Weiner

"I live to hate New York. Its what gets me out of bed in the morning." - Shawn Corey Carter

"I will reconquer Cordoba for Isabella!" - Rick Lazio

"New York is the assemblage of every manifested aspect of a hangover." - Imam Faisal Abdul Rauf

"I dream of a world where imams and priests, rabbis and monks, shamans and nuns shall have their heads placed on pikes of equal height." - Mike Bloomberg

"My respect for my wives is inverse to my respect for the American people." - Newt Gingrich

"The milk is rotten, or the coffee is rotten, or they are both rotten, or they hate each other." - David Axelrod

"Anyone who promises gold is a breather of ash." - Anonymous Hedge Fund Manager

"Alright, the carpet is shaggy and mean looking, I'm passing out." - Eliot Spitzer

Lethal Weapon 5: I'm Still Tripping!

"If you can't make the mistakes I've made, what mistakes can you make?" - Mel Gibson

"If you can't make the mistakes I've made, what mistakes can you make?" - Danny Glover

My Cake Is Dough

"Climate change can't come quick enough." -Alexander Cockburn

"A moderate shoots the wogs with rubber bullets." -Margaret Thatcher

"Change you can bleed in." -David Cameron

"Politico? Is that some sort of condom?" -Bill Clinton

"I can't stand Pitchfork."- Pierre Bourdieu

"Crave the whip, it cracks only to forgive." - Adam Kirsch

"I gave you but Cadbury Eggs, and now you want steel!" - Nate Silver

"But did you like it?" -Larry King

"The dream ended when Ronnie turned the pumpkin into a Sherman Tank and we rode through Nicaragua together." - Peggy Noonan

"If only the cigarettes would get the taste out." -Edward R Murrow

"Soakin Wet!" -Brian Williams

"And when I looked into the eyes of those people who had lost all that they held dear I know that I never would open my eyes again during physical love." -Anderson Cooper

"That's it? For that much?" -Sarah Palin

"Arabs!" -Marty Peretz

"I think people are really going to enjoy this summer's special project." -David Eggers

"Once I realized that people in India shit sitting down like we do, I knew that nothing would be the same again." -Thomas Friedman

"Why fucking bother." -The Editors of Harper's

Clench your teeth and kill the poor

"Yes means yes." - Olivia Munn

"Really? Another skinny white bitch? Another disposable blonde? But no. The problem is not Lady Gaga. She knows what she is--she has probably written a term paper about it. The problem is you."
- Simon Cowell

"Fight them? Can you fight the wind?" - Dmitri Medvedev on FIFA

Hardtalk: How is it that a man who is so fat can be so slippery?

Chavez: When he has History on his side, Stephen.

"The whole of Pink Floyd, what they tried and failed to do, is in "Good Morning". You could listen to The Wall, or us in two minutes."
- John Lennon, 1991

"There is but one thought that haunts my days and keeps sweet repose forever at bay: that I have not gone far enough."
- William Tecumseh Sherman

National Defense

"I have tamed men of iron in my day, shall I not easily crush these men of butter?" - Vincente del Bosque

"I will be Queen!" - Sir Walter Raleigh

"Landon Donovan for US Supreme Commander" - Stanley McChrystal

"Roger Rabbit's wife is a cold war erotic superweapon." - Richard Nixon

"We are a conquering race. We must obey our blood and occupy new markets and if necessary new lands." - Peter Beinart

"Women will lie down with the serpent before this litigation is resolved." - Scott Brown

"All you need to make America horny is a bunch of light bulbs." - John Wanamaker

"The desire to conquer is itself a sort of subjection." - Barack Obama

The Road to Hell Is Two Lanes

"If you're really stuck between these two shores, just chill on a houseboat." - Dale Carnegie

"I am the poison and the cure!
The tainted and the pure!" - Khaled Meshaal on Charlie Rose

"All liberation is self-liberation, that is to say, liberation from oneself." - Peter Beinart

"Yeah, the neighborhood is tough but we've all got trombones!" - Rubén Blades Bellido de Luna

"Activism = victimism." - Amy Goodman

"It'll take an invasion of lizard men before the Left comes back." - Tony Judt

"I don't have enough death drive to really be fat." - Al Gore

"I do." - Christopher Hitchens

"I want to fuck you like a woman"
- Al Gore

Free Arisman!

The Bangkok Post reports that Thai pop star and "anti-government hardcore member" Arisman Pongruangrong has been arrested Wednesday night. Perhaps not coincidentally, the two Arisman music videos linked to in past entries of this blog were removed today, ostensibly for violation of copyright. You may remember Arisman from his comical/daring escape from the third story of a luxury hotel in April when police pursued him in reprisal for the Redshirts attack on parliament.



Arisman's redshirts made an even more stylish exit from Ratchaprasong, Bangkok's downtown shopping district, by burning it to the ground. Predictably, Western media portrayed this tactical retreat as spontaneous mob violence. The New York Times seems to have forgotten the very words it reported:

The [occupied] area is home to Central World, the second largest shopping complex in Southeast Asia, and to the Grand Hyatt, the Four Seasonsand other luxury hotels. “If they use force to disperse us, we will flatten the entire neighborhood,” said Jatuporn Prompan, one of the protest leaders.

"So great was his narcissism, Thai pop star Arisman Pongruanrong played every role in his elaborate narrative music videos."
- A&E Biography

"Redshirts redblood, redshits redcud!" -Joe Biden

"I won't leave Bangkok till the king renounces me!" - Jimmy Carter

1:06 AM me: "don't you fucking cross this line or i'll burn down this huge disgusting mall!"
1:07 AM Pat: hah this is my dream

I will execute the Law!

"Ball!" - Chief Justice John Roberts, Graham v. Florida, entire concurring opinion

"If you want mud you got it!" - Associate Justice Antonin Scalia, dissenting opinion

"Take it from me: I'm a mom." - Michelle Obama

"The master may wear slippers instead of boots, but he's still got his foot on your neck." - Elena Kagen

"In 40 years or sooner I can imagine that a tiger might become the President of these United States." - RFK

"This is real blogging, indecipherably tight knots of allusion!"
- Reza Negarastani

Q: A mentally disabled 17 year old buys a bull that he is told is magic but only on the condition that he loves the bull. If the bull dies on the way to Basra, is the contract enforceable?
A: I need more facts!

Hey Pat,
Are you getting more complacent or am i just a little tipsy.
Either way, i'm into it.

xo,

Tina, third row second seat to the left corporate law

"We don't have time to think. We're making money."
- Prof. Edward J. Esche, Dean of Arts and Education,
Middlesex University

"A rising tide sinks all boats." - Ronald Reagan

"I don't have the narcissism to really enjoy hurting others." - Karl Rove

"Obama plays it cooler than cool. Like, he complimented my wife's shoes but shat on her sweater."
- Chris Oynes, Minerals Management Service Associate Director

"Sex is alienation." - Barack Obama

Here Lies Hate

She had gamely accepted an offer to listen for the first time to “Here Lies Love,” a new rock opera by David Byrne and Fatboy Slim that chronicles her rise from country girl to the First Lady of the Philippines. Removing the earbuds, tilting her head slightly, she said in an exaggerated tone, “I’m flattered, I can’t believe it!”

-- New York Times, 7 May 2010

"Yeah, whatever, we saw Marie Antoinette." - Maxim magazine

"Imelda Marcos is to hipsters what Nixon is to liberals: a monster whose revisionist recasting as a tragic figure by the latter belies a grotesque, desperate conservatism in the dominated fraction of the ruling class. It’s classic Bourdieu. These hipster attempts at symbolic subversion are just that: symbolic. 'It is we, the people of taste, not the vulgar rich, who should rule.'——a desperate lashing out by a bunch of clowns who are realizing too late, too late that they should have studied finance instead of 'critical' theory. Even the Beatles——those self-involved, pre-Thatcherite (see 'Taxman') cads——knew better than to prostrate themselves before the pink heels of that mutant bitch queen. Neither progressive nor reactionary, the hipster pleas helplessness. 'I am not political,' the hipster says, 'but I’m not opposed to others being political.' In fact hipsters like nothing more than this division of labor: like Imelda, they live (quite well) off the labor of others, but they're good natured about it--humble about the fact that they are not self-supporting, either individually or as a class——as long as they can exempt themselves from the obligation to secure justice for those who provide for them." -- Chuck Palahniuk

"I wouldn't get worked up about it. I hear it's just not that good."
- Barack Obama

A New Politics

“How much do we really care about our ideas and how much do we simply cling to the way they make us feel?” – Sarah Palin

“I was reading too much Hegel. Kant’s philosophy is animated by a kind of misanthropic optimism—it keeps you going—but Hegel's end-of-history triumphalism is of the same coin as a terrible, apocalypticist nihilism that would have you believe existence is a mistake.” – Dave Chappelle

“Anyone who cannot look with a dispassionate eye at the history and tendencies of his own people and declare, if it is so, that they are a bunch of ruthless, base shitkickers who deserve everything they have coming to them is a coward, a fool, and probably a fascist.”
– John Mearsheimer

“The art of translation is not that of maintaining the clarity of a thought in two different languages, but of maintaining its obscurity.”
– Jimmy Carter, translator’s note to Italo Calvino’s If on a winter’s night a traveler...

Vanity Fair: Tina Fey, how do you stay so slim and perky at 40?

Tina Fey: Millions of dollars.

VF: Don’t you think your youthful looks, considerable personal wealth, and palpable aura of self-satisfaction undermine audience’s ability to suspend their disbelief and accept that the character of Liz Lemon is romantically unsuccessful and oppressed in the workplace because of her gender? I for one have a hard time imagining that Lemon's condescending disagreeableness stems from an experience of unjust oppression and disadvantage rather than your own new-found sense of entitlement or your easy-going middle-class market-mad post-feminist origins. You seem to be a member of the dominant and dominating class masquerading as a subaltern.

TF: But I have glasses.

“You can wash the bodies of the poor but not their voices.”
– Kate Gosselin

"I talk big with my lawn chairs on public streets, but if the dollar ever falls I'll be the first in line to buy a glock." -Mayor Michael Bloomberg

“All this triumphalism in the city about the failed car bombing—from the Daily Show to SNL—masks the basest fear. Whatever. Worry more about cars and random murder. Terrorism is such bullshit. The enemy is us. Our monkey brain distraction will cause us to build a fort of pillows in a burning house.” – Mayor Michael Bloomberg

“Seething is believing.” – Judge Richard Goldstone

The Shape of Hate

"There's nothing to barricade in Arizona." - Swedish clerical worker in a French HIV/AIDS NGO

"We need documents, not slogans!" - same NGO worker's employer

"It is impossible to contract HIV from a bourgeois!" - Jacob Zuma

"The cliché is true: it hurts to know that your former partner has met some one else before you have. But that's just it, and it's just that: a cliché. I will get over it." - Wallis Simpson

"Loneliness is freedom." - Barack Obama

"You make money to live, you don't live to make money." - as heard in Greenpoint, Brooklyn

"I don't have time in my life for positive emotions right now: I'm really busy." - rejection text from a financial worker

"Morality is like mathematics: one needs no existential stake in a situation--no need for emotions like sympathy, empathy, or identification--in order to work out its moral arithmetic, although I suppose the former is useful for cultivating the will to execute the conclusions of the latter." - Bill Brennan

"Why don't the same people who loved Avatar also love Somali pirates?" - Roger Ebert

"Eat my mick dick, you fucking faggots." - Oscar Wilde, at his sentencing

"Just because I work for the census doesn't mean I can't start some shit!" - West Village census worker

"It's funny: we fight for oil abroad, and we fight oil at home." - Barack Obama, solitary, chainsmoking by a White House fireplace, wrapped in a warm wool blanket and seated in FDR's wheel chair.

Dancin'

Will it be poison put in my glass
Will it be slow or will it be fast?
The bite of a snake, the sting of a spider
A drink of Belladonna on a Toussaint night
Hiding in a corner in New York City
Lookin' down a fourty-four in West Virginia

I was dancin', dancin', dancin' so free
Dancin', dancin', dancin' so free
Dancin', Lord, keep your hand off me
Dancin' with Mr. D., with Mr. D., with Mr. D.
-Extemporaneous oral poetry by Press Secretary Robert Gibbs concerning Vice President Biden in the latter's absence, White House Cabinet Meeting Sept 09

The Soviet Mind Game

"To write a book that would inspire others (and only others) to violence: this is the dream of every intellectual." - Leo Strauss

"Economics is 'science'." - Joseph Schumpeter

"Similar minds think alike." - Solath Sar

"The Revolution was never the same for me after CCR broke up." -Fidel Castro

"Bill Gates is the Leopold II of our time." - Thomas Penfield Jackson

"In LA you can make a living but never catch a break; in New York you can catch a break but never make a living." - Stephen Baldwin

"I'm going to leverage this syphilis into something really crazy!" - Nietzsche

"Carla is perfect for Nicolas: she is to French music what he is to French politics: the triumph of America." - Villepin

"What Ségolène has going for her over Aubry is that she's a sort of a traditional French woman, by which I mean, she's gorgeous, really just terribly attractive." - Nicolas Sarkozy

"I have nothing left to give you except what you would ask of me." - Carla Bruni

"Finding some one who will love you more than you will ever have to love them: that is true love." - Michelle Obama

"This is the best class project ever!" - Lady Gaga

"Mod summer of '66 forever!" - Richard Branson

"Swallow the razor and all your dreams will come true!"
- unnamed Goldman Sachs executive

"Prepare the battle wheel chair."
"Sir it hasn't been tested."
"Damn you, Einstein, I am ready!"
- from the archives of President Franklin Delano Roosevelt

"I welcome their hatred." - Obama

Six Monsters in Search of a Destroyer

"I will avenge the sans-culottes!" - George Soros

"Mr. Céline, how do you feel about the fact that your three anti-semitic novels haven't been translated into English?"
"Horrible!"

"O Rambo, what is the guiding wisdom of our days?"
"Everything is permissible!"

"Sr. Bolaño, why are you crying?"
"I haven't drunk one of these since '73."

"What about the drugs, Anita?"
"That's just how it went down, Bryant!"
-Anita O'day, Today Show, 1991

"Tanigaki sang like a bird!" - Yukio Hatoyama, covered in blood

"Katherine Heigl: is that what young women want to be today? Is that what men want? I don't get it." - Ruth Joan Bader Ginsburg

"How beautifully the men grieve in this country, weeping openly and without shame!" - Wen Jiabao

"I will fight the panther in the Octagon!" - Barack Obama

"If our form of government carries with it a certain inequality of fortune, this is justifiable in order that as a rule the administration of public affairs may be entrusted to those who are most able to give them their whole time, but not, as some maintain, in order that the rich may always be put first. On the contrary, it is of importance that an opposite choice should occasionally teach the people that the deserts of men offer claims to pre-eminence more important than those of riches." - Arisman Pongruanrong

"I applaud Arisman's leadership of the People, but I have always had a certain distaste for his art. Why, in his music videos, all these women being yanked about by the elbow? So many of his songs are about wanting to save his love, but who is he to be their savior? There is something paternalistic in his sense of Romance, pathos subtended by inequality. I would never treat my Lydia like that."
- Thaksin Shinawatra

"You don't know what it costs to look this cheap." - Warren Buffet

The Writing of Disaster

"KYRGYZSTAN IS MY ARABIA, AND I AM ITS LAWRENCE!"
- Ewan McGregor

"Look, I'm a Communist, I am a Communist--I'm the kind of guy who looks at history and says 'Lenin was a good guy'--and I am telling you: Barack Obama is not a Communist."
- the last words of Paul Newman

"To hate like this is to be happy forever!" - Roger Clemens

"Watching the 2010 World Cup on the tele is the moral equivalent of slowing your car to get a better glimpse at the braided tendrils of meat and upturned steel in the wreckage of a highway accident."
- Nobel Peace Prize Laureate F. W. de Klerk

"I am both whore and goddess!" - Norman Mailer

"No, I love coloreds." - Michael Bay

"I'll ride with Bedford Forest!" - Gov. Bob McDonnell

"You can't deny what you can't stop loving."
- Orenthal James "The Juice" Simpson

"The strong forget. The weak merely have the memories beaten out of them." - Mustafa Barghouti

"Not shooting parachutists before they land--I love it, it's really the most Romantic part of the Geneva Convention." - John Yoo

"Q: Sunny day.
A: Storm the palace."
- Felix Wu, Vermont-NEA Scholar's Bowl
State Championship Semifinal rapid fire round

“I’ll have the number two, with cheese.” - Kurmanbek Bakiyev

“If you will it, it is no dream.”
- Don L. Blankenship, President, Massy Energy Co.

"I wish I was capable of pregnancy so I could abort."
- Joseph Ratzinger

"You know, pleasure is the most efficient form of energy."
sez Bruce Ratner

"The Spirit is willing but the Flesh is weak." - Associate Justice John Paul Stevens, Citizens United vs. Federal Electoral Commission dissent

"One day a man will awaken and find that his ears have been dissolved in a vat of acid. Gentleman I propose we build said vat of human bones." - Chief Justice John Roberts

"Where we failed on health care was our inability to exploit religion. There was no angle for that kind of legitimate irrationality, and we lacked the resolve to fabricate one. Against the Democrat’s incontrovertibly rational arguments for reform, all we were left with was the illegitimate irrationality of the Tea Partiers." - Sarah Palin

"I was never in Vietnam." - Senator John McCain R-Arizona

Bartlett's Famillial Quotations

If it feels good it must be right!
- citizens of Massachusetts

It feels sort of strange when they suck your toes at first, but then you begin to like it, and miss it when it's not there...
– Lawrence Summers

Mommy, can I have some more chocolate milk? - Clarence Thomas

Keep building your condos, asshole, kiss your country goodbye.
- Joe Biden

Ted was the last politician we could trust. – Bill Ayers

To kill a monster you must become it. - Barbara Bush

Participation is poverty. - (p)resident Harold Ford, Jr.

Well Wilbur, if we incorporated the principles of a birds wing, and stretched the skins of forty natives over the frame, we just might be able to get this thing off of the ground. – Orville Wright

You see, what really interests me is the chance to function as an object of abuse and sexual desire of a Man twice my age, a prop in the story of His personal rejuvenation. - Greta Gerwig/Maggie Gyllenhaal

I can think of no better proof of the People's lack of ability to rule themselves than the success of Avatar. - Gov. Phil Bredesen

I am Homo aestheticus! - Nicolas Cage

I am the sea foam on a cresting wave of stimulants! – Charlie Rose
Please, Sr. Rose, get down off of the table! - Javier Bardem

We did it!* - House Democrats

Once I washed with a sponge, but now I'm content to use a smooth stone. - Bart Stupak