"My real girlfriend is a hoax." - Lance Armstrong
"Is any woman really there?" - Jerry Sandusky
"Happiness is merely the momentary absence of memory." - the Catfish
"I'm in hate love!" - the Editors
"Adults don't fucking understand. Ms. Halas' tits are literally the only reason I learned a thing about chemistry." - Donny Owens, 8th grader
"Men can never hold back women the way women hold back each other." - Judge Julie Cabos-Owen
"The land belongs to the one who works it." - George Clooney, grabbing your wife's ass
"My dick is like the Concorde." - Richard Branson
"My dick is like a compass, it always points north." - Gazprom Chairman Viktor Zubkov
"My dick looks like my mother." - Vladimir Putin
"My dick? Oh no, I'm not going to tell you about it. You'll have to discover it for yourself." - Bill Clinton
